


Wicked Game

by EndoratheWitch



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman (Movies - Nolan), Batman - All Media Types, Batman: The Animated Series, Batman: The Dark Prince Charming (Comics), Harley Quinn (Comics), Suicide Squad (2016), The Joker - Fandom
Genre: Alterego, Angst and Romance, Bar Room Brawl, Blood and Violence, Dancing, Dogs, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Gotham City - Freeform, Harley Quinn is a superhero for now, Hero and Villain romance, Masturbation, Masturbation in Shower, Nonabusive Joker and Harley, Secret Identity, Secret Relationship, Shooting Guns, Sidekicks, Stalking, Strippers & Strip Clubs, Vigilantism, mafia, secret romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-05
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-15 16:01:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 43,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28566624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EndoratheWitch/pseuds/EndoratheWitch
Summary: Harleen Quinzel and Bruce Wayne grew up together, now grown, they are working to protect the streets of Gotham together as Batman and Batgirl.
Relationships: Harleen Quinzel/Bruce Wayne, Joker (DCU)/Harleen Quinzel
Comments: 72
Kudos: 49





	1. Unexpected Meeting

**Author's Note:**

  * For [395428jarley](https://archiveofourown.org/users/395428jarley/gifts).



> Another utterly fantastic story prompt from 395428jarley!! You are amazing and thank you so much for letting me write your fantastic ideas!!

It was a cold snowy day right after the new year and Harleen found herself standing on the doorstep of Wayne Manor. Her feelings were a mix of elation that Bruce was back after being gone for five years and anger because he had been gone for five years. They had remained in touch the entire time, but he had left without telling her until he was out of the country--left without word to his best friend. Hell, she was more than just his best friend; Bruce was like a brother to her and when he took off after his parents’ murder, without a word to her… 

Well, she had acted like she’d forgiven and maybe for a little while she thought she had, but standing here right now, after five years, Harleen realized that maybe she hadn’t forgiven him after all. 

Raising her hand to grasp the door knocker again, Harleen gasped when the door opened, but her gasp turned into a squeal of delight when she saw Alfred. 

“Alfred!!” Harleen giggled with pleasure and threw her arms around the butler before he could utter a word. Alfred looked the same as he had five years ago--a tall, slender man with thick, greying brown hair and sharp, hazel eyes. He was dressed much the same as he had the last time Harleen had seen him five years ago too, the almost stereotypical butler outfit of grey and black, although with a splash of color that was all Alfred; a colorful pocket square that today was a deep crimson. 

“Miss Quinzel!!” Alfred sounded surprised to see her, but also genuinely pleased. The older man hugged her tightly giving in to a few moments of intense affection. “It is so nice to see you again young lady,” he said in his soft, Oxford accented voice, his tone full of parental pleasure. He let her go and stepped back, smiling as he held her hands and arms out, gazing at her with an expression of pride. A beautiful young lady, Harley’s blonde hair was done up in a stylish top-knot bun. She wore a long, brown pencil skirt, a soft pink scoop neck sweater with a white winter coat, and earmuffs, a pair of black framed glasses sitting on her nose. “Goodness, you’ve grown up since I last saw you!” 

Harleen giggled, her cheeks turning red. “Well, I have my own private practice now, one of the youngest to ever do so in Gotham and I’m doing work at Arkham Asylum as well. So, I’m doing well.” 

Alfred ushered her inside. “Oh goodness, that is wonderful Miss Quinzel. It’s so nice to see you again.” He added with lifted brows, “And it's nice to be home.” 

The corners of Harleen’s mouth tightened and her tone held all the hurt and rejection she felt when Bruce and Alfred left without even a good-bye. “I missed you too,” she replied while pulling off her ear muffs, which Alfred took, along with her coat, draping it over his arm. 

Alfred nodded, his expression one of sadness and regret. “After his parents’ death, Master Bruce…” He frowned, not sure how to explain why Bruce had suddenly picked up and left Gotham City without a goodbye to his dearest friend, the young woman who was like a sister to him. The two of them had grown up together, had met each other when Harleen was five and Bruce was eight. Dr. Quinzel’s parents had both worked at the same hospital as Master Bruce’s father and the two children had taken to each other almost instantly. They had been inseparable from that moment on. Master Bruce found a friend and a sister in Miss Quinzel, someone who didn’t care one bit who his family was or about how much money they had. Alfred could remember the two of them playing some sort of battle that required them to slide the banister of the main stairs, nearly giving Mrs. Wayne a heart attack, or the time they had decided to build a treehouse and Master Bruce broke his arm when Miss Quinzel had shoved him out of the tree for saying girls weren’t supposed to climb trees. 

But when Master Bruce’s parents were murdered not long after Bruce had begun college, instead of going to Miss Quinzel like he should have for love and support, Master Bruce had shut down completely until one night, just two weeks after his parents' deaths, during a storm, something had changed. Alfred still wasn’t sure what had happened that night, but it was after that evening that Master Bruce had begun his five year journey, traveling around the world, seeking out the best teachers in physical combat, strength training, anyone who could help him hone his body into a weapon. Along with training physically, Master Bruce had also sought out the best teachers to guide him in how to focus his mind, to meditate, to detach himself from the physical. Alfred wasn’t clear on every aspect of Master Bruce’s training quest over the last five years, even as he accompanied the young man on his quest. The only parts of Master Bruce’s education that Alfred had actually had a hand in, or knew the full extent of, was Master Bruce’s degree from Yale that he earned in law while traveling, taking his classes remotely, as well as what Alfred had taught Master Bruce himself. 

The aging butler was an expert with firearms, strategy, acting, self-defense, and field medicine--all things he had learned during his time in the British Army and working in security afterwards. He knew Master Bruce had kept in touch with Miss Quinzel during his five years abroad, but… 

“Did Master Bruce let you know we were back?” Alfred asked as he led her through the foyer, through the gallery and ballroom and into the conservatory. 

The conservatory at Wayne Manor had always been one of Harleen’s favorite rooms. The room was attached to the house, the style a typical Victorian with the curved front windows that ran along all the walls and allowed for panoramic view. Through the windows, one could look out into the vast back yard where the gardens and landscape of the property on which Wayne Manor sat could be enjoyed. The room was decorated with wicker furniture, a wicker couch with gold and ivory cushions and matching chairs with a wicker, glass topped coffee table. Potted plants hung from the beams above as well as several potted plants situated around the room that gave the room a warm, cozy feel. Martha Wayne she had often invited Harleen back here to have some tea, sometimes with--and sometimes without--Bruce. Harleen remembered those times fondly; Mrs. Wayne was the mother Harleen had always wanted, warm and affectionate. While Harleen’s own mother had been aloof, a constant professional even with her family (which was probably why her father had divorced her and now had another family), Mrs. Wayne had always been a kind, loving woman who had been the one to help Harleen through her growing up rather than her own mother. 

The ache of loss hit Harleen hard when she entered the room with Alfred, the loss of a woman she had considered a mother, a man who she had looked up to like a father, and later Bruce. It had been a difficult five years, alone in Gotham City. 

“Why don’t you have a seat? I’ll go and make some tea--Earl Grey, your favorite correct?” Alfred asked with a gentle smile. 

Harleen nodded with a grin. “You remembered.” 

“I never forgot.” He smiled and started to turn, but stopped to look back at her. “Do you still like lemon biscuits?” 

Taking a seat in one of the chairs that gave Harleen a perfect view into the garden, now covered in snow, she tucked her skirt under her legs and looked up at him, her eyes bright. “Do you mean some of your Lemon Shrewsbury Biscuits??!!” she asked excitedly to which Alfred smiled. “Baked fresh this morning.” 

“YES!” Harleen laughed only barely stopping herself from clapping her hands. “I’ve missed those so much!” And she had! Alfred’s Lemon Shrewsbury Biscuits were something she would dream about when she was feeling particularly alone and vulnerable in the world, biscuits and the perfect way Alfred could brew a cup of tea. 

Harleen’s lust after lemon biscuits was disrupted when a voice rang out. “As much as me?” a deep masculine voice asked. 

Alfred and Harleen both turned to see Bruce standing in the doorway. He was dressed in dark blue slacks, a soft heather sweater with a slightly lighter blue collared shirt underneath that matched his eyes. His black hair was brushed back from his face and his dark blue eyes looked vivid in his tanned skin. 

Bruce Wayne had his hands casually in his pockets and was smiling that carefree smile she remembered, the one that had always been on his lips until his parents’ murder. It was wonderful to see that smile now again. Harleen stared at him. In five years Bruce had filled out. He was now far more muscular than Harleen remembered, bigger and broader, apparent even though he wore a sweater. She’d always known that Bruce was handsome. She’d seen the way girls had thrown themselves at him, but Bruce was one of those men who wasn’t completely unaware of his attractiveness; even now he was leaving in the doorway smiling, and another woman might have swooned. Harleen just saw the boy she had grown up with, the one who had cut her hair for her when Harleen wanted to cut all her hair off because it was too hot, or the time they had gone swimming in the pool and they’d both farted under the water to see who could make the biggest bubbles, the teenager who had held her when she'd gotten her heart broken, or the boy who had been there for her when her parents divorced. Harleen saw the man that she loved like the brother she’d never had… 

Jumping to her feet, Harleen hurried over to Bruce who pushed himself straight from the dorway, pulling his hands out of his pockets ready to embrace her, but Harleen stopped just short of walking into Bruce’s arms. Instead her bright gaze turned into a glare and Harleen slapped Bruce across the face with enough strength that the crisp sound of it echoed through the room. 

* 

Bruce winced, continuing to work his jaw while Harleen glared at him from her seat. “Oh stop being a baby, I didn’t hit you that hard.” 

“Says you.” Bruce chuckled before reaching out to pick up his cup of tea and take a tentative sip in case the liquid was still center-of-the-earth’s-core-hot. Luckily the temperature had cooled in the last few minutes to desert hot; he took a sip before setting the cup down. 

“So are you back for good or am I going to receive another surprise email telling me you’re off to Tibet or Timbuktu again?” Harleen didn’t mean to sound so bitter, had meant to sound amused, but... 

Bruce sighed as he sat back in his seat. “I’m sorry Harley, I really am…” 

“Not so sorry since you stayed away for five years,” Harleen muttered. “I don’t go by Harley anymore. It’s Harleen, Dr. Harleen Quinzel to be exact.” 

“I still can’t believe you did it in five years…” Bruce smiled at her with a small shake of his head. “You always were the smart one.” 

Harleen snorted as she picked up her fourth biscuit. “I didn’t have anything else to do when my best friend took off without a word.” 

“Harley…” Bruce began, but Harleen glared at him and he quickly corrected himself knowing he would have to earn the right to call her Harley again. He cleared his throat and changed tactics. 

“So, I know we’ve spoken while I was gone…” 

Harleen cut him off. “Speaking to you a handful of times…” Harleen put her biscuit down and counted on her fingers. “Once when you arrived in Spain. Then let’s see, a year passed before I heard from you again when you were in Nepal, and then, oh surprise, eight months later I actually got a postcard from someplace in Russia.” Harleen was counting on her fingers, but Bruce held his hands up in surrender. “Okay, okay, I get it, I left without telling you, then only contacted you a handful of times. That was unfair to you.” 

Harleen frowned. “Just, every time I would start to think you might not ever...” She felt a sting of tears in her eyes, pressed her lips together to stop herself from crying before she tried again. “Every time I started to worry you’d gotten yourself killed, you’d suddenly contact me out of the blue, just enough that I would know you were alive, but you never talked to me Bruce. Even the handful of video messages you sent me were just scraps.” She sighed as she looked over at him, tears shimmering on her lashes. “You left me alone Bruce. I was hurting too and you just left. I thought….” Harleen’s voice cracked with pain. “I thought we would mourn together, heal together, but you left…” 

Bruce sat forward and reached out to lay his hand over Harleen’s where her hand rested on her thigh. “I’m so sorry Harleen. I was in pain, I was selfish, and I was blind. Please, forgive me. I swear, I’ll never do anything like this again.” 

Harleen looked down at Bruce’s hand. His hand was wide, but his fingers were graceful, and yet she could feel the callouses; they were not the hands of a rich man not used to work.These were the hands of a man who had worked tirelessly. 

She rotated her hand to grasp Bruce’s with a tender smile. “You better not rich boy or I’ll kick your ass.” Harleen laughed even as a few tears rolled down her cheeks. “I’ll get myself a new best friend,” she added, which made Bruce chuckle softly. 

She took a deep breath through her nose, letting the pain and anger of the last five years melt away. Bruce was home now, her best friend, the man she considered her brother was finally back and she felt a little more complete. 

“So, what were you doing running around the world for the last five years?” Harleen squeezed Bruce’s hand with an encouraging smile. 

“Training…” Bruce said, his tone serious. “Learning, training, and more training.” 

Harleen’s brows shot up, her expression slightly grim. “Training? Like what kind of training and for what?” 

“Well, that’s part of what I wanted to talk to you about,” Bruce began, but Harleen interrupted. “Okay, I’m not liking the sound of this…” 

Bruce smiled and brought her hand up to kiss her knuckles. “Just listen first, all right?” 

“Of course Bruce, I’ll always listen.” She smiled tenderly at him. “Okay, so...why?” 

* 

Bruce told her about the evening after the funeral, sitting in the family den, the storm, his depression, the thoughts of ending it all, but then the bat that crashed through the window giving him a sign of what he must do, of why he had to keep going. He had a mission. He explained about leaving, about training to hone his body into a weapon, into an object of defense between the common people and the crime that ran rampant through Gotham. 

And then he told her about the Batman. 

Harleen pressed her lips together into a firm line as she looked down into her cup of tea and remained silent. Bruce watched her, waiting for her reaction. He could tell she was shrinking him, there was something about the tilt of her head that told him. Just like when they were kids and she was thinking a problem through, he wondered if she knew she had little tells like that. Even after five years, Bruce knew Harley’s tells like his own. He also knew all about her career, he’d followed her even as he traveled the world. He’d read her thesis, any articles she published, he knew every conference she had been to, everything. He felt proud of Harley. She had busted her ass to get her degree and now look at her, young and beautiful, smart, with her own practice--he couldn’t be prouder. He was actually grateful for Harley putting on her doctor’s hat with him, because there were times he wondered about his sanity himself. 

Bruce waited quietly, patiently until Harleen whispered as she slowly looked up and over at him. “You know that sounds nuts don’t you?” She lifted a brow at him, her expression daring him to tell her the Batman didn’t sound nuts. 

“I’m aware,” Bruce said calmly. 

“That’s somehow worse,” she whispered. “You know you sound nuts, but you are still going to go through with this aren't you?” 

With a firm nod, Bruce leaned forward, his elbows resting on his knees. “But don’t you see? As the Batman I could do some good. I wouldn’t be confined by laws the way the police are, just my own conscience…” Harleen gave him an incredulous look, but she didn’t interrupt as he continued. “I could save another kid from a fate like mine…I could save so many people.” 

“And the bat, explain that to me again,” Harleen requested while she watched Bruce with a narrow, discerning gaze. 

Smiling at his oldest friend, Bruce said softly. “The Batman will work from the shadows, he’ll become something more than a man, he’ll become a ghost, a creature that the evil in Gotham will whisper about...a legend. I can and will do some good Harley. I could help people…and I would do it without guns. I would never kill anyone.” He said this last part like that little bit of information made all the difference to his crazy plan, as if somehow that made the plan suddenly viable and perfectly acceptable. “I would provide security without the threat of violence pulling in the innocent.” 

“You could just donate money to worthy causes,” Harley stated flatly, but Bruce smiled. 

“I am going to do that too, but I need to do something hands-on, something that really helps. Fight the causes and the symptoms both.” 

“Bruce, you are suffering from PTSD, maybe dissociative identity disorder, and definitely some depression…” She stared at him over the top of her glasses. “...and illusions of...I don’t know...a savior complex with illusions of grandeur?” She looked annoyed. 

“Maybe you just want to lash out at someone and you’re picking a safe target.” 

Bruce grinned at her in that charming rich-boy-next-door sort of way he had. “Yes, maybe, but you know it’ll work. Here in Gotham, a Batman would work. Hell, a lot of cities could use a Batman.” 

Harleen pressed her lips together. She wanted to argue with him, to get him help, maybe refer him to another psychiatrist to work out his issues--his many issues. But there was something alluring about Bruce’s crazy idea, of working above the law, but also with it, helping to find the evidence of a crime when the cops couldn’t, go to the places where the crime bosses like Carmine Falcone, or Sal Maroni sat in their well protected nests, to help the regular people feel like they could walk down the street again without fear of being mugged, taken, or murdered…. 

“And you’re planning on doing this alone?” she asked with a frown. 

“Well, yes. I mean I’ll have Alfred helping from here, manning the computers and other tech that I have Lucius Fox working on…” Bruce explained, but Harleen held her hand up. 

“You have Mr. Fox mixed up in this crazy plan on yours?” 

Bruce nodded. 

“But you are going to be on the streets, alone and without a gun?” Harleen asked again. 

“Yes, but I won’t be powerless Harley, I’ll have my physical skills, my mind, and my tech, the best that money and cutting edge engineering can come up with,” Bruce said pointing at his arm and his head which made Harleen want to laugh because for a moment she saw the boy she had grown up with telling her how boys were naturally stronger than girls before Harleen had punched him in the nose. 

“Okay, let’s say I agree with you, the Batman is an interesting and potentially powerful idea…” Harleen set her cup aside and picked up a biscuit, took a thoughtful nibble on it. “If you’re going to insist on doing this, I think you need a partner.” 

Bruce shook his head. “No I don’t. I need to do this alone…” 

“Do you think you were the only one hurt by your parents’ death Bruce?” Harleen glared at him. “I know they weren’t my parents, but they felt like they were, I wanted them to be. I would pray every night that I would wake up and find out I was really your sister, that I was really a Wayne and not a Quinzel. When they died, I thought I was going to die and then you pulled away and left me to mourn by myself, to figure out how I was going to go on, alone…” She teared up again, dropping her biscuit back on the plate to wipe angrily at her eyes as she continued while Bruce stayed quiet and let her speak. “I know it wasn’t my family, I know it wasn’t my mother and father, but god Bruce…” She looked up. “I thought we were closer than that...than this?” 

“I…” Bruce began, but Harleen held up a hand. 

“That’s in the past Bruce. I want to talk about your Batman idea.” He snapped his mouth shut and nodded for her to continue. 

Harleen took a breath and let it out slowly as she spoke. “I wanted revenge too, especially when they didn’t find the killer--or killers. I wanted to buy myself a gun and start hunting for the whoever did it.” She sniffed and looked over at Bruce with eyes that glistened with her own pain. “And I think your Batman needs a partner. You need a wingman...” She smirked even as a tear rolled down her eyes. “...someone to watch your back, to make sure you never go off the deep end, making sure that you never become what you hate. You need your sister in every way that counts, at your side. You need...Owlgirl.” 

Bruce wrinkled his nose in amusement at her and Harleen added quickly with her own giggle. “We can work on the name...I was just thinking owls are nocturnal.” She flapped her hand at him muttering. “You know, never mind…” 

Bruce grinned with pleasure as he warmed to the idea despite his previous assertions. “You mean you want to fight crime in Gotham with me?” 

Harleen grinned at Bruce, settling back in her chair. “Have you ever known me to let you go off and do something fun without me if I could help me?” she asked. “And after your little trip of five years, I don’t plan on letting my best friend out of my sight on his weird mission to heal himself and Gotham.” She folded her arms over her chest, her jaw set in a way he had seen all too often when they were growing up together. 

Bruce grinned at Harleen, who grinned back at him and knew she had just won. 

* 

Eight months later Harley stood on a roof atop one of Gotham’s tallest buildings looking down at the lights of Gotham. The night was better than the daytime; a cool breeze was rolling in from the water that surrounded Gotham, but it still felt hot and sticky, and worst of all, Gotham smelled because of the trash strike. 

It was a hot, sticky, smelly night. 

The heat was made all the worse by the outfit she wore. Yes, she knew it was state of the art and supposedly meant to keep her cool or warm depending on the weather. The microfiber and leather outfit responded to her body’s temperature needs, but having something this skin tight on still made her feel hot and constricted, even if it was probably just in her head. Her outfit fit her like a glove, leaving little to the imagination, but it allowed her to move. Bruce had been teaching her how to use her gymnastics knowledge (being good at gymnastics growing up had gotten her a scholarship to college, but she never gave up practicing her old routines even as she advanced at college. Bruce helped her use those skills to hone her into a deadly fighter. The skintight suit helped her use her entire body, not restrained by the clothing she wore.) 

The suit covered Harleen from the tips of her fingers all to the way up to the bottom of her ears with a face mask that covered her nose, mouth, and chin. The masked blend backwards, wrapping around to the neck at her black outfit. The nearly solid back ouft had gold trim that ran along her ribs, shoulders and under her throat, but the gold also outlined the stylized bat across her chest that mirrored the same bat design in black on the dark grey chest of Bruce’s full covering suit (which had a cape and a cowl.) The only part of Bruce that was visible in his costume was his jaw and mouth, but the matching symbols on their outfits marked them as a team--as many criminals and Gotham’s citizens were beginning to discover. 

Harleen had her hair pulled high up on the back of her head and wrapped tight in a braided bun. Her glasses had been replaced by contacts (she had tried protective, prescription eyewear, but they fogged up too much.) She had tried to wear a cowl like Batman’s, but it had made her feel as if she was suffocating, so this was Lucius’ solution--she covered the lower half of her face. The only thing she didn’t like was that they had settled on calling her Batgirl. It was better than Batwoman, which didn’t roll off the tongue as easily as Batgirl, but at least with Batgirl, the bad guys were humiliated on top of her handing them their behinds because they were beaten by a ‘girl.’ 

Even so Harleen was working on a new crime fighter name for herself. She had a list that she kept adding to, but eventually something would click and she’d have her costume name. 

That still made her smile as she flexed her fingers, the leather creaking when she did. She could still feel the bruises on her knuckles from last night’s fight with some of Maroni’s men. She had learned a lot about fighting in the last eight months. Bruce had taught her all sorts of ways to put an opponent down. It also turned out that she had a bit of a gift for fighting, for pounding the crap out of some jackass scumbags. She felt a thrill in their crimefighting--which she probably should be a little more concerned about--but she was enjoying herself. 

The light in the sky with the Batsignal lit up the sky a few seconds later. Harleen grinned brightly. If Detective Gordon was calling for help, that meant whatever was going on was going to be fun! Not some simple pickpockets or robbers, rapists, no. If Gordon called, it meant that it was something the GPD couldn’t handle alone!! 

Batman glanced over at Harleen, a tight smile on his face. “Ready Batgirl?” 

Harleen pressed her lips together in annoyance; that name had to go. “Ready!” 

Batman chuckled. “Race you there!” 

Harleen gasped in annoyance when Batman leapt off the side of the building before using his grappling hook to grab some piece of architecture and fling himself through the shadows, but she was glad to see him acting more like his old self. He’d been seeing a woman named Selina Kyle for nearly six months now. They had run into Kyle when all three of them had been at a charity jewelry auction, Bruce had been smitten the moment he laid eyes on her (the auction had ended up being one of Batman’s cases that Detective Gordon had needed help with after someone stole several diamonds, as well as an irreplaceable miniature, near perfect set of eight diamonds, called the Kittens.) It was during that investigation that Harleen discovered that Selina Kyle was also the thief they were after, a jewelry thief who went by the name of Catwoman. 

The break up had been messy and Bruce had been sullen ever since, so seeing him smile and enjoying himself, even just a little, made Harleen happy because he was finally healing. Bruce had been in love with Selina even if he would never use that word, and finding out she was a thief (not the Robin Hood kind either, but the greedy ‘do it because it’s fun and I can get rich kind’) had broken Bruce’s heart. 

“Show off…” Harleen muttered before she swan dived off the side of the building with her eyes closed, a grin on her lips. While she fell, Harleen grabbed the grappling hook from her waist, and shot it out at the last second where she knew one of Gotham’s many grotesque stone gargoyles decorated the buildings in Gotham. 

She trailed Batman by only a few swings, but he wasn’t being flamboyant. Instead Batman swung with purpose. Harleen made each of her swings elegant and fancy so when she finally landed on the rooftop next to Batman and Gordon, she did it with a tuck, landing in a nearly perfect dismount pose. She stood up and threw her arms around, turning like she was soaking in the applause of an invisible audience. 

Gordon lifted a quizzical red brow at her, but he smiled while Batman grunted; his tone held a soft reprimand. “Batgirl.” 

Harleen hurried over the last few steps and came to attention. “Yes sir, Batman.” 

Batman gave her a thin-lipped look, she couldn’t see his actual eyes behind the weird visor thingies over his eyes. (Lucius Fox had explained it all in great detail until Harleen was ready to pass out from the confusion. Not her kind of science, all she cared about was if it worked or not, sort of like her television--she didn’t care how it worked, just that it worked.) 

Gordon motioned them both over to the north side of the police station and pointed. “There’s a shootout going on in the Bowery. We think it’s two gangs, but we have not positively identified who is involved. I don’t think they are any of the big gangs, maybe some new up and comers who got into a dispute. All we know is that one group is held up in an abandoned building that is scheduled for demolition, while the other group is outside shooting up the building. I have some men down there, but I’m afraid if I send a squad down it’ll turn into a shoot out between three groups instead of two, what with everyone on edge because of the heat and the garbage.” Gordon sighed and ran his fingers through his greying red hair. “I need less bloodshed, not more. I was hoping the two of you could go down there and take care of the situation in your special way.” They couldn’t have another issue like what had happened with SWAT last year before Batman showed up to help the city. 

Gordon looked between them. 

Batman glanced at his partner and she gave him a smile and a nod before he turned back to answer Gordon. “We’re on it Detetive Gordon. I’ll alert you when it's safe for your men to come in and clean up.” 

Gordon smiled. “Thank you.” He turned to go, then turned back to add that he appreciated their help, but both Batman and Batgirl were gone. Gordon sighed and shook his head wondering how they both disappeared without a sound like that. 

* 

After a great deal of swinging through the heights of Gotham, moving between and over the highrises, apartment buildings, factories, and stores, Batman and Batgirl finally arrived in the Bowery district. Harleen laughed quietly. She loved swinging through the air so recklessly. They swung up onto one of the larger gargoyle heads that decorated the top of one of the older buildings, both of them landing on the head and crouching down. A little less than a mile away they could hear and see the flash of weapons fire. She hadn’t bothered talking to Batman while they traveled, but now... 

“You really need to stop doing that to Gordon, disappearing like that...it’s rude,” Harleen said with a snicker as she settled down into a crouch next to Batman. 

Batman snorted, crouching down too. “It keeps my illusion of invisibility, that I’m not just a man, but something else...” 

“Makes you fucking rude is what it does.” Harleen chuckled again. 

Batman ignored her as he looked in the direction of the gunfire. “Which do you want, the men in the building or on the ground?” 

“Building. You’re brute force tactics work better in the open I think,” Harleen said with a smirk. 

Batman shook his head with a faint smile. “All right, you take the building and I’ll go for the ground. Remember, if you need help, signal.” 

“I know, same goes for you,” Harleen said, giving Batman’s shoulder an affectionate rub. He looked over at her and paused, like he wanted to say something more, but instead he turned back to face their goal. “Be careful,” he said before jumping off the building into the shadows. Harleen caught sight of him a few seconds later, his shadow passing by a lamppost below. 

Turning her attention to the building where she could catch flashes of light. “Okay, time to put some criminals down…” Harleen leaped off the snarling gargoyle. 

* 

Wearing a purple dress shirt--the sleeves of which were rolled up to his elbows--a black vest with matching slacks, black and white oxfords, and a brown double holster under his arms, Joker had his back pressed against the wall, guns held up, his hands resting against his chest. He listened for a pause in the shooting so that he could fire off a few shots of his own. Licking his red painted lips slowly, Joker glanced over to Jonny, a tall man with wide shoulders and thick ash blonde hair that he kept short, who stood alongside another window in this room. The other five members that made up Joker’s blossoming gang were scattered in the other rooms, all of them armed and firing down at the gang here to kill them. 

Their gang had been six, not counting Joker and Frost, but when the Red Dragons had arrived to supposedly talk terms, one of them had gotten trigger happy and shot Mooney in the belly. After that, everything had moved fast. Joker and his remaining people rushed into this abandoned building and barricaded the door while the Red Dragons unloaded with their weapons. Joker moved just enough so he could glance out the window. He had suspected this meeting might be a trap, but he’d been stupid and wanted to risk it anyway, even though his best friend--his only friend--Jonny Frost had told him not to. 

Now they were stuck in this building with no way out, except through. Narrowing his eyes, Joker smiled. That was fine by him. 

* 

Harleen arrived at the top of the building, staying crouched as she made her way over to the roof access. She checked the door and found it was unlocked. With a grin, Harleen moved swiftly, letting the sound of gunfire guide her into the building and the gang members she was going to take out. 

As she moved along the empty halls, lined with lockers, Harleen realized this building used to be a school. There were even a few scattered desks here and there, and when she peaked into rooms, she saw chalkboards and other miscellaneous school related debris. 

Since this had been a school, the halls were fairly easy to navigate until she arrived on the stairs that took her down to the fifth floor. Harleen went still; she could hear voices and the sharp retort of gunfire. 

Harleen crept to the door that led onto the fifth floor. She could see just a little bit into the closest classroom. The doors of the room were missing and she saw shadows move inside followed by the crack and flash of gunfire. She looked down the hall, saw several other classrooms where gang members could be in each room. 

Perfect, she thought with a grin. 

* 

Leon, a lean and hard looking bald man, glanced out the window and fired several shots before dropping back down into a crouch. He grinned, glancing over at his friend Fujin, who had his long, ink black hair pulled back into a tail. “You okay man?” 

Fujin shrugged. “I suppose. This went south fast,” he added, but Leon snorted. 

“Yeah, well the Red Dragons are a bunch of cocksuckers.” 

Fujin chuckled, not staying a word as he looked over the lip of the window. He scowled. Several of the Red Dragons were yelling and firing their weapons, but not at the building. He wasn’t sure what they were firing at… 

That was when he was startled by the sound of a body hitting the floor. He spun around, his eyes widening when he saw Leon, lying on his side, tied up and gagged, looking like a fresh caught turkey. 

“What the fuck?” Fujin stumbled to his feet, holding his weapon out and panning the room. There was no light except the pale light coming from outside, which left most of the room in shadows. 

“Who’s there?” Fujin growled, swinging his gun one way then the other while trying to avoid putting himself in front of either of the room’s two windows. “I know you’re in here!!” He was having a hard time resisting the urge to simply fire into the darkness, but he did, even as his hands started to sweat. 

He saw movement from the corner of his eye, as if a piece of darkness had flowed from the rest and separated itself. He turned toward it, but Fujin wasn’t fast enough. The shadow formed into the figure of a sexy woman in a tight suit, the lower part of her face hidden, who was doing several quick backflips toward him. The woman didn’t register for a split second before Fujin realized he was in trouble and started to fire, but she was suddenly in the air and landing on his shoulders. Fujin grunted with the sudden weight and pain of having someone land on his shoulders. His gun went flying as the woman smacked it from his hand with some weapon, but he reached up to grab at her. She tightened her thighs around his throat, cutting off his air. She grabbed a handful of his hair and yanked his head back. “You should learn to put your hair up, I mean it’s gorgeous hair and all, but you’re just asking for a girl like me to pull it.” She giggled as Fujin gasped for air, clawing at her legs and dropped to his knees. She tightened her hold on him, choking him out. 

Fujin’s eyesight started to waver, thick and dark black dots appeared, his fight weakening. 

Harleen released her hold on the man when he dropped to the floor, unconscious. With a smirk she quickly tied the man up and gagged him. 

“Now, let’s see how many more I have to take care of to call this a wrap.” Harleen chuckled to herself as she finished with Fujin and slipped out of the room. 

* 

Frost frowned after glancing quickly out of the window. “That’s weird.” 

Joker, the street lights dancing off of his ivory white skin, tilted his head at Frost. “What’s weird?” 

“Well, for a second, it looked like some of the Red Dragons were firing down an alley and not at us.” Jonny shrugged in confusion. 

Joker furrowed his green brows before easing around the window frame to take a look as several green curls fell across his brow. He was forced to jump back as a gunshot splintered some of the wood that made up the window. 

“I didn’t see anything,” Joker groused, shoving his hair back with one hand. “I think you’re seeing things Jonny.” 

Frost gave Joker a sour look before he risked a look back outside then frowned. “Joker, you hear that?” 

“Hear what?” Joker came around the window frame and fired three quick shots before throwing himself back behind the wall again. 

“I don’t think our guys are firing back...” Jonny suddenly stopped talking, his sentence cut off. 

Joker, whose full attention was on looking out the window, didn’t notice at first that Frost had stopped mid-sentence, but then something in the heavy, thick late summer air of the building changed. 

Joker spun around with the grace of a dancer, both weapons coming around to train on a woman who stood in the middle of the room. His eyes widened as he stared at her. She was wearing a skin tight suit that showed off her every curve--every single lucious curve. Half her face was covered, but what wasn’t covered showed him a woman with lovely golden blonde hair and big, bright blue eyes that made his heart skip a beat and his hands go instantly clammy. There was something about her glare that made it hard for him to breathe. Who the fuck was she? 

Joker grinned, waggling his green eyebrows. “Well, hello nurse.” 

Harleen’s chest felt tight as breathing suddenly became difficult. Standing in front of her, two guns aimed at her chest, was the most beautiful man she had ever seen--as well as the most unusual. His hair was a thick, dark green that the streetlights made glitter with lighter highlights. His skin was the same shade as white porcelain, which looked strange, yet alluring. His lips were red, red as blood, and his eyes shone a bright blue. She wondered if he was wearing makeup--it was hard to tell in the shadowy light--but she could see his sharp features clearly, his long nose, narrow sharp chin... 

He was intensely attractive and her physical response to seeing this strange man was instant! 

“So who do I have the pleasure of confronting?” Joker purred, his eyes grazing over the woman. He had never before felt the pure, undiluted animal attraction he was feeling toward this woman. It wasn’t her body really, which was perfection, and he could feel the lust burning in his gut (and he never lusted after women. He would have the desire to relieve some of the build up, but he never lusted for any of them. Fuck, he didn’t think he was capable of feeling lust until this moment), but it was her eyes that really struck him. There was something in her gaze that he recognized, that called to him. He felt a deep connection to her because he’d seen that same light reflected in his own gaze. This was someone who would understand him, he was sure of it. She could see the world like he did...a kindred spirit! 

Harleen didn’t speak at first. The man’s voice was just as attractive as his face. She felt the ripple of his voice caressing her ears and tickle at her spine, giving her goosebumps. As her eyes skated down his lean body, extremely tall form (what was he, six five she figured) even as her eyes took in his long, leans legs, slender waist, wide shoulders...She had to force herself not to lick her lips. The pale man was sexy all around. She liked the way his slacks fit, the vest and shirt, and oh...his lean, wirely muscled arms...which were also that strange shade of white. All that aside, or maybe because of it, Harleen was flabbergasted by just how sexy his man was and how intense the lust she felt was...Too bad he was one of the bad guys. 

“Put your guns away, you’re under arrest,” Harleen said feeling stupid. Why was she talking to him and not just beating the crap out of him like she did every other criminal? 

“Well, that’s yet to be determined gorgeous. How about a name? I’m called the Joker.” Joker grinned at her, showing off a set of perfectly straight white teeth. “What’s your name sweets?” 

Harleen felt a flutter in her stomach when he called her sweets. “Ah, Harleen…” She cringed and felt a flush of fright--she never gave away her secrets to the bad guys. “I mean I’m Batgirl.” Goddamn it Harley, the first hot guy you come across and you’re acting like you’re back in high school. 

“Harleen…” Joker didn’t put his guns away, but he leaned back against the wall. “I like that. Your friends call you Harley?” 

Harleen swallowed, her nerves on edge. This man was making her feel like she was on edge, a dangerous edge. “Yeah, well, if I had any friends…” She shook her head. “Now wait a minute, that’s enough…” She brought her fists up. “You need to surrender Joker!” 

Joker grinned, his eyes dancing as he stepped away from the wall, gesturing with his guns while he spoke. “I do like the way you say my name Harley--can I call you Harley? I do love the sound of it. Harley...mm, pretty.” Joker licked his bottom lip as he gazed up and down at her. “So pretty Harley.” 

Joker didn’t get to finish because Harley, feeling as if she was losing control of the situation, rushed forward. As Joker watched in appreciative astonishment, she backflipped toward him, her feet slamming him in the chest and knocking him back into the wall. Joker hit the weak plaster hard enough that several tiles from the ceiling broke and fell from the vibration. 

Laughing, Joker swiftly rolled out of the way as Harleen came in with a fist while he holstered his guns. Harleen’s fist hit the wall with enough force to make her bones vibrate. 

“Oh you are fun, sexy, and cute. I wonder if you smell wonderful too...I bet you do.” Joker purred as he grinned at her, his hands out and ready for a fight. “Come on sweets, let’s dance.” 

Harleen growled in frustration, frustration at her attraction to his man, his teasing, his stupid sexy voice, and mostly she was frustrated at how turned on she was becoming by him. Even the way he held himself, ready to fight, she could tell he was no typical street brawler, and that, she found sexy too. 

She rushed him and Joker took a swing at her, but Harleen caught his hand at the wrist and twisted his arm around while she backhanded him across the face with her other hand. 

Laughing in response to the strike to his cheek, Joker yanked his arm down. The pain, like all pain he felt was of more a dull inconvenience. He pulled Harley with him and brought his knee up to strike her in the diaphragm. He didn’t mind defending himself, but he found he didn’t really want to hurt this exquisite creature; rather, he wanted to know more about her. 

Harley’s grip on Joker loosened and he yanked his arm free before he grabbed her by her upper arms and spun her around, slamming Harley’s back up against the wall, knocking the breath from her. More plaster fell around them as they struggled against the wall, Joker using his strength and his greater height to keep a wildly struggling Harley in place, but then she did something that surprised him and only made him want her more. 

She headbutted him. 

His grip on her loosening, Harleen shoved Joker off of her. He stumbled back and she took a couple of swipes at him, but he easily ducked and weaved away from her fists At one point, he slapped her hand away hard enough that Harleen’s feet tripped over themselves as the impact twisted her shoulder back and she hit the floor. Grinning, Joker reached down for her, but Harley brought her legs around, locking her booted feet swiftly around his throat, and yanked him to his knees 

While Joker really loved the position, her legs up in the air, feeling the shape of her toned thighs and calves, which made him think of going lower... 

The tightness in his pants that had building since the moment he saw Harley, intensified at the thought of her legs around his shoulders. He couldn’t help but run his hands over her leather clad thighs wistfully, but she kept squeezing until he had difficulty breathing. 

Staring up at the gorgeous man, Harley felt nothing but lust, need, and a deep aching want. Green curls had fallen across his forehead. His skin looked slightly damp from perspiration, and god did he smell delicious, a strange combination of vanilla, spices, and something masculine that her rebellious body reacted to. But then there were his maniacal, bright, sparkling blue eyes. Her want spiked like a stab in her groin, causing Harleen’s eyes to widen in surprise. 

NO! She couldn’t have thoughts like this about a criminal! Harleen yelled at herself, her mental voice not holding the kind of conviction she would have appreciated in an imaginary voice. 

Then Harley did the only thing she could think of to stop her lust; she used her legs to yank Joker toward her. When he was close enough, she punched him in the nose, surprising Joker. 

He was so surprised that he didn’t react when she let go of his throat, rolled onto her side and flowed up to her feet. He had just started to stand when Harley performed a spinning kick, her foot catching him across the face. A half-second later, she kicked low, knocking his feet out from under him when her foot connected with his ankle. Joker landed hard on his back, but when Harley rushed to punch her downed opponent, and to secure him for the authorities, Joker grabbed her by her arms just as she leaned over him and flipped her onto her back with a hard kick from his knee to her torso. He surged upward to straddle her, yanking her arms over her head and held them securely with both hands so that he was leaning over her, her arms pinned down by his hands around her wrists. 

Jerking, fighting, kicking her feet, Harleen realized she was trapped. Joker’s grip was like iron and she couldn’t budge him off of her; he was far heavier than his slender figure would make one believe. She thought about screaming for help, to yell for her partner, but she refused to do it. If Bruce could think himself or fight himself out of trouble, then so could she. Otherwise, why was she doing any of this? 

Joker smiled down at her, jerking and adjusting his hold on her wrists as she struggled. “You’re just going to wear yourself out Harley. I’m not going to hurt you,” he whispered his eyes dancing slowly over her face. “I just want to know...what your lips look like…” He slowly released one of her hands, but Harleen didn’t move even as Joker reached over and gently tugged her mask down. He gasped as he took in her entire face. Her blue eyes matched with a pert little nose and sensually shaped lips, lips that begged to be kissed. 

Joker felt himself drawn down to her mouth, drawn to her, and he wanted nothing more than to taste her lips. 

His mouth hovered over hers, his eyes gazing into the light blue of hers. He could smell her, vanilla mixed with soap and coconut shampoo, scents that combined and made Joker think of things he’d never thought of before, like lying in bed holding a woman...no not just a woman, but specifically Harley against him. 

He knew right then he had to have her… 

Just as their lips were about to meet, Joker felt a flash of pain and a burst of stars.


	2. Wuv

The sudden flash of pain had Joker stumbling backwards off of Harley, the taste of blood fresh in his mouth, and dripping down his chin. He grinned when he saw the pretty blonde glaring at him as she got to her feet. She yanked her mask back into place, but it was too late--he’d seen her, the most exquisite woman he’d ever laid eyes on. She looked flustered, which only made his attraction to her intensify! 

She’d hit him!! 

What a firecracker! 

What a little minx! 

She was perfect! 

She was so perfect that Joker giggled with pleasure. “Oh, I do like you Harley!” 

“Shut up!” Harley snarled. Her feelings were all over the place. She at once hated this strange man, but at the same time the thought of throwing him to the ground and fucking him until he... 

She felt that hot, erotic, animal lust spike up again, so Harley did the only thing she could think of...she charged him, intending to beat the living shit out of him. It was the only answer, she reasoned, beat him up, tie him up, and leave for the cops. Then whatever this was she was feeling would...just go away. That had to be the solution. 

When he saw her move toward him, Joker did nothing to defend himself, letting her wrap her arms around his waist, lift him off his feet, and throw him to the ground. It felt exhilarating!! Laughing, even as he struggled to breathe after his back hit the floor, Joker’s eyes widened in pleasure when she straddled him, grasped his arms by the wrists, and yanked them over his head. He’d never thought that he would like being dominated, but for her, for this little bundle of fun and sexiness, he’d let her do whatever the hell she wanted. He chortled with glee. He’d been with a few women in the past for mutual release of pleasure, but they were nothing, nothing at all compared to this one! 

Harley was panting more with anger than the effort of fighting. She had no idea why this particular goon was getting on her nerves, or was it that he was getting under her skin, worming his way into her blood and spreading to her erogenous zones like some sort of disease? No one had ever affected her in such a visceral, primal way before, and she didn't know what to do with it except to respond with anger! 

Gazing up at her like a man worshiping his goddess, Joker memorized every detail of her, the sound of her panting breath, the shape of her lips, the fury in her gaze... 

He found himself staring at a drop of sweat on her brow, the way a few strands of her golden hair were glued to her forehead, the shape of her eyebrows, the bright, light blue of her eyes--every part of her was burning into his memory. He even memorized the way her weight felt on him, the way her breasts pressed against her outfit, making his hands itch to touch them, followed by her hips. God, the woman had a shape Joker realized, a true hourglass shape, but he could feel the muscles in her, the strength! Feeling the weight of her on him only turned him on more, his erection almost painfully hard, making him smile even more broadly. 

“You know sweets…” Joker raised his head up from the floor. “I could totally be into some BDSM with you. You can tie me up and do whatever it is you want.” His voice was a deep, seductive purr followed by him giving her a suggestive wink. Harley growled at him, not so much in anger as frustration, but he didn’t stop. 

“You ever heard that song by Nine Inch Nails? Closer? This situation is making me think about that song a great deal,” he whispered, dropping his head back to the floor, his voice becoming slightly husky as he repeated, singing softly. “I wanna fuck you like an animal, I wanna feel you from the inside…” 

Harley didn’t move. Her hold on his wrists would leave bruises on the man under her, but he didn’t seem to care. She swallowed hard when he sang those two phrases to her, his intense blue eyes in his ghost white face, his green hair ruffled in a sexy way that made her want to run her fingers through it...His hair looked so soft even as she tried to shake the influence of his sensual voice and incredibly sexy...NO...Harley practically yelled, her lips starting to move to her own silent command to herself. Do not find this criminal sexy Harleen Quinzel, she told herself. You are a doctor, a crime-fighter, and you are not attracted to his green haired...man. 

She tried to maintain her typical level of professional anger at this...this...Joker, but feeling him between her legs, feeling his attraction to her, mixed with her own attraction to him, was making it difficult to maintain her professionalism. Harley maintained a careful balance of anger and fun when it came to crime-fighting business with Bruce, but this green haired clown was doing something to her that she didn’t understand! He was just throwing all of her senses off balance, her barely balanced anger and fun issues with crime fighting, and he was driving her libido through the roof. So she did the only other thing she could think of...she released her hold in his wrists to take a punch at him. Maybe if she punched him enough, she’d find him less attractive...but she somehow doubted it. 

Nimbly and with a dancer’s grace, Joker twisted his body and legs, flipping Harley off of him the moment she let go of his wrists. He rolled with her, reached up and grabbed her arms, twisting around until he was now on top of her and with a bit of maneuvering, he had her arms pinned over her head. 

“You are such a little minx!” he purred. “I like this position, but it’s way more fun with you on top.” He waggled his eyebrows at her before he asked, “So, can I have your phone number?” He giggled happily, clearly enjoying himself. 

Trying to look insulted--despite the fact that having this man on top of her was far more erotic than she wanted to admit--Harley bucked her body off the floor, surprising him with her strength as she broke his hold on her. Once she had knocked him off, Harley performed a backflip, putting some space between them as she sprang to her feet, facing him, her hands up and balled into fists. 

“All right Joker, you’re going down!” 

Joker chuckled holding his own fists up, lightly bouncing on his toes. “Oh, I will be perfectly happy to go down on you pumpkin!” He winked lavishly at her before saying with a smile, “This is so much fun--I’m having fun! Is this fun for you too?” 

Harley didn’t answer him, but only glared at him, which made Joker grin wider. “OH you are!!” 

“Shut up! You talk too much!” Harley growled, but Joker only snickered in response. 

“You know, I’ve been told that once or twice. ‘Joker, you’ll never make it as a gangster in Gotham,’ or ‘You like to engage in too much verbal debate with the jokes and quips,’ but what can I say?” He shrugged. “I like to make people laugh.” 

“Then maybe you should reconsider your life of crime and become a comedian?” Harley suggested as she slowly walked around to circle Joker. He moved with her, facing her as she moved around. 

“You think so?” Joker smiled at her, displayed his perfect teeth again, causing the burning desire in her blood to heat up. “I thought about pursuing a career as a stand up comic, I mean considering how I look…” He made a gesture with one hand to encompass all of him. “...I’m a natural clown with my coloration and all, but you know sweets, that sort of stage isn’t really big enough for a guy like me. I need more…” They were moving slowly around each other while he spoke. Joker made a face. “...I think I need a bigger stage, like all of Gotham. At least that’s the plan eventually.” He grinned brightly. “Right now I’m paying my dues so to speak, building up my audience.” 

“That was way more information than I needed,” Harley snarled, though she did find herself a little intrigued by what he was saying. But she needed to end this. She did not want Bruce to come up here and have to finish her job for her. 

She rushed the pale man, surprising him with her speed just as her fist connected with his face. Joker stumbled back, feeling a sting on his lips at his bottom lip was cut against his teeth, but his smile never wavered. God she was gorgeous!! 

He backhanded her in return, not that he was into hitting women, he wasn’t, but he knew Harley--he just knew--would respect him more if he didn’t treat her any differently than he would anyone else...well, except for killing her, and he’d never do that! She was meant to be his girl, he just knew it, in his gut. She was the one! Joker was so caught up in his own little thoughts that he didn’t respond fast enough when Harley growled, a trickle of blood running down her chin, and she lashed out at him with blurring fists, punched him in the sternum. She knocked the air out of him temporarily and it hurt like a son-of-a-bitch! Just as he struggled to take a breath, Harley kicked him in the stomach, knocking him back several feet. 

He sucked in a breath and laughed. “You are fantastic! Do you know that?” 

“Shut up!” Harley yelled as she came closer, ready to backhand him, but Joker caught her forearm when she swung, stopping her before she could hit him. He responded back with a hard left hook to her cheek that flung Harley to the side. He didn’t want to hit her, but he respected her enough that he wasn’t going to avoid hitting her either. 

She gasped in pain while stumbling back a step from the punch, stumbled into a wall, the taste of blood hot in her mouth, but when she turned back to face him, her eyes narrowed. 

Joker hurried over to her. “You okay? Sorry, I didn’t mean...Well, that’s not true...I mean...I did mean to hit you, I didn’t want you to think I don’t respect you as a fighter...” He was about to continue, but Harley pushed herself off the wall and kicked him in the stomach with all her strength. 

Stumbling back from her with a heavy grunt, Joker began to laugh even as he held a hand to his gut--she hit hard! “I’m in love!!” he declared even as he kept his footing and hurriedly blocked when Harley rushed him, his eyes dancing with pleasure. She threw several punches, two of them landing, one against his chin and another to his ribs, but he answered her with his own quick strikes, one of which caught her across the face. 

Her anger was fading, replaced by another emotion that Harley couldn’t fully identify. 

Harley grinned, couldn’t help it! As she and Joker danced around the small space, exchanging blows, both of them getting some good kicks or hits on the other, Harley found she was enjoying herself, really enjoying herself. She had to admit to herself that Joker was a good fighter. The man was nimble, strong, and hell, he moved with an elegance that made her wonder if he danced! But the thing that she loved most about this fight was that unlike when she sparred with Bruce, Joker didn’t hold back. He hit her, punched her, and kicked without holding back, and the entire time he was smiling at her, winking, and giggling, telling her when she got a good hit in… 

They were both smiling, dancing around each other, but neither of them were really doing much to try to end the fight. It was, Harley realized, more like they were dancing, a violent dance, but still... 

The sound of a crash echoed through the building, coming from the same floor they were on. Both of them stopped, their fists up, heads cocked and listening. A few seconds later Harley heard Bruce call out. “BATGIRL!” 

“Shit…” Harley whispered and the pleasure in her eyes immediately faded. 

Joker frowned followed by an exaggerated sigh as his shoulders slumped. “Aww...is our playdate over already?” 

Harley turned back to Joker, unsure what to do. She hesitated... 

Joker took advantage of her hesitation and danced backwards giving her a salute when he arrived at the mostly broken window of the room. 

“Well sweets, until next time!” He put his fingers to his red lips and blew her a kiss before he turned and jumped through the window. 

Harley had to snap her mouth shut on a shout as she rushed to the window and looked out. She saw Joker hanging by his hands on the broken and rusty remains of a fire escape. He glanced up, winked at her and let go. She watched in shock, her heart skipping a beat as the man caught the rung of the fire escape ladder. The ladder began a rapid descent, then came to a hard halt well over a dozen feet above the ground--too far for any normal person to drop from--and with his extra weight it was enough for the ladder, already rusted, to break free of the rest of the fire escape. Harley watched in shock as Joker let go a second before the ladder came free and launched himself backwards in a perfect back flip. The green-haired man landed on the roof of a truck below in a nearly perfect landing, but then he slipped, his feet going out from under him and he fell over the side of the truck. 

Harley gasped, her eyes widening even as she heard footsteps behind her and Batman’s gruff voice calling out. “Batgirl?” But her attention was on the street below, because that was the moment that Joker reappeared, standing up and throwing his arms up into the air while looking up at her. “PARKOUR!!” he yelled before he took off at a run down the street. 

Blinking in astonishment, Harley watched Joker disappear before she jumped a foot when a hand touched her shoulder. “Batgirl, are you all right?” 

Harley spun around to see Batman standing behind her, his mouth turned down in a concerned frown. “Are you all right?” he repeated, but Harley looked back out the window. She wasn’t sure if she was all right or not… 

* 

A few hours later Harley stood in the Batcave, exhausted, pulled off her mask and reached up to start pulling her hair down as she groaned. “Everything hurts.” 

Alfred smiled as he took her mask before gently pushing her hands out of the way so that he could take over taking her hair down for her. “I’ll see to any injuries either of you have after I finish with your hair…” he began, but Harley quickly responded. 

“I’m good Alfred, just from minor cuts and bruises, nothing bad…” 

From near the computers where he had sat down and started to type in information, Bruce said over his shoulder. “Me either, just bruises and some minor lacerations…” 

From behind her, where he was expertly undoing Harley’s hair, Alfred continued without missing a beat. “I have set some clean clothing out for you and your bed turned back, the same for you Master Bruce. Once you have showered and dressed, I can bring you some tea and a sandwich.” Alfred looked around Harley to glare at Bruce’s back. “The same for you as well Master Bruce.” 

“Thank you Alfred.” Harley smiled and stood still while Alfred continued to take her hair down for her. He was much faster about it than she was and while she would always miss some bobby pin, Alfred always managed to find them all. 

“I swear I’m going to have to move in at this rate,” she said with a grin. “It’s really nice to have someone bring you a sandwich in bed…” 

Bruce had pulled his cowl off. His dark hair, which was usually brushed back, looked sweaty and was sticking up in all directions as he tossed the cowl onto the desk by the computers before turning around to look at Harley. 

“You know you can,” he said softly. “You always have a place here.” 

Smiling, Harley nodded. “I know Bruce…” 

Bruce gave her a smile before he gestured to the seat next to him. “Before you head upstairs, I wanted to feed that man’s description into the computer.” Harley nodded. She had told Bruce about the green-haired man (while withholding some details, she didn’t tell him about the flirting or her reaction to him. Bruce didn’t need those details.) She also didn’t tell him that she had hesitated, which was the reason the clown had escaped, or that she had started to enjoy herself during her fight with the man. Harley had told Bruce about the encounter, in a general sense. She walked over as Alfred took her mask and bobby pins upstairs, flopping down in the seat with another groan. “My feet are killing me…” 

Bruce chuckled and began to type. “White skin, not paint--you’re sure?” He glanced sideways at her. 

Harley nodded, pressing her lips together at the memory of the man. She felt an immediate rush of heat just at the thought of him and that red lipped smile. She squirmed a little, but she suppressed it by biting her bottom lip a little harder than necessary. After a second or two she felt as if she could respond without sounding like she was swooning over a criminal who had hit her. “I punched him in the face a few times, if it was paint or makeup I would know,” she answered calmly, proud of herself. 

Nodding Bruce typed into the computer. “Green hair, blue eyes, slender build, and he called himself the Joker?” he asked to reaffirm the information Harley had given him earlier on the way home. She nodded as Bruce finished typing and they waited. Bruce had access to the police department’s computer files, a backdoor that he had designed himself that only he, Harley, Alfred, and Lucius Fox knew about. Harley knew Bruce felt a little bad for not letting Gordon know that he had access to their computer files, but Harley had suggested that they keep this information to themselves. Their relationship with the GCPD was balanced on a thin thread, there was no point in wiggling the thread Harley reasoned when, at the moment, no one was getting hurt. 

A moment later, just as Alfred returned carrying a tray of hot tea (he knew they were going to be at the computer for a bit and there was never such a thing as too much tea.) 

“I made Earl Grey,” he said with a smile at Harley as he set the tray down. “Milk and sugar?” he asked Harley, who nodded with enthusiasm. “Yes please.” 

“Just sugar for me,” Bruce said without looking away from the computer screen. Harley snickered when Alfred gave Bruce a look down his nose that said the butler found Bruce’s lack of milk in his tea to be scandalous. 

“Okay, here…” Bruce pointed at the screen. “There is a mention of a Joker being brought in for questioning in regards to an armed robbery…” Bruce frowned as he steadied the file. Harley frowned. There was no picture, no fingerprints… 

“Was he booked?” she asked curiously, leaning forward a little. 

“Says here that he was brought in along with several others by an Officer Frost and Officer Montoya, but he was out before he was even in a line up. Apparently he had a lawyer. That’s odd,” 

Bruce said absently as he looked over the file. “There isn’t much here, only that someone called the Penguin...no wait, there’s a name...Oswald Cobblepot...that name sounds familiar.” He rubbed his finger across his chin in thought. 

“I believe Master Bruce, that the Cobblepots were once one of Gotham’s four premiere families.” The butler frowned in thought before he nodded. “Yes, that included the Waynes, the Kanes, and the Crownes.” Alfred looked at the other two. “All four families were the pillars that built Gotham.” 

“Interesting, so what would a Cobblepot want with a low-life criminal?” Bruce rubbed his chin. 

Alfred added. “Well, the Cobblepots fell onto hard times a few decades back, lost their standing, their money. Last I heard was that the latest Cobblepot, I believe, is the owner and operator of The Iceberg Lounge.” Alfred handed Harley a biscuit and added softly, “Don’t ruin your dinner.” 

Harley giggled while taking the biscuit and winked at Alfred. “You know I will, but I’ll eat my sandwich anyway.” 

“Good girl.” Alfred smiled at her while Bruce continued to glare at the file that gave them no other relevant information on the Joker. Bruce’s fingers raced across the keys as he switched to the internet and did more searching, but other than the one file, there were no images, and no other information on the Joker--at least not a criminal Joker in Gotham City. Even after doing an internet search, there was nothing on anyone fitting Joker’s unique description, nor were there any images, nothing...no information at all. It was almost as if the man didn’t exist. If not for the one file that mentioned him by name, even Harley might have started to doubt he existed. 

“Well...” Bruce leaned back in his chair. “...if he’s a career criminal or a new up and comer trying to make a name for himself, we’ll hear from him again soon, and if he’s involved with the gang scene...” He shrugged with a smile at Harley. “He has an interesting gimmick, I’ll give him that, with the hair and makeup…” Bruce vaguely gestured, but he seemed unconcerned. 

Harley wanted to correct him again to say that Joker was not wearing makeup, well except maybe the lipstick; she had never realized how hot red lipstick on a man could be (she briefly imagined Bruce with lipstick and realized that nope, not every man could pull it off the way that Joker had), but she had a feeling he might not believe her since the search had come up with nothing and he hadn’t seen Joker with his own eyes. She kept her mouth shut while Bruce continued. “I’m sure he’ll show up again and we’ll take care of him then.” He reached out and squeezed Harley’s knee. “Don’t be upset that he got away.” 

Harley pressed her lips together. She knew Bruce didn’t mean it that way, but he managed to make what he said sound a little condescending, like he’d never had a criminal get away before, which she knew for a fact he had, but whatever. She was intrigued, and, yes, she admitted, attracted to this Joker. She’d simply have to do her own research… 

* 

Later Harley let out a long sigh as the warm water from her shower washed away the night’s crime fighting. She put her hands against the shower wall and closed her eyes, letting the warm water run down her face and body, but her mind drifted to thoughts of Joker, his intense blue eyes, his red lips, his smile… 

The attraction she felt rose up in her blood, hot, erotic, intense, and wanting. She bit the side of her lips imagining him, tall, slender, pale, his green hair. 

Slowly Harley reached down, her hands sliding along her wet stomach, lower until they were between her legs. She couldn’t remember the last time she had masturbated; she was too busy and no one had really “done it” for her in a while. Plus, still being a virgin… 

Her fingers found the perfect spot and began to rub slowly as her mind played back her fight with Joker, sitting on top of him, feeling him between her legs, his arms over his head smiling up at her...or when he flipped her onto her back, his hair flopping down over his forehead, his blue eyes dancing from his narrow, ghost white face, and that sexy, sexy smile, his rich red lips... 

She cried out, pressing her fingers against the wall to hold herself steady as her orgasm rocked her entire body. 

Panting Harley brought her other hand up, pressing both hands against the wall as she panted, waiting until she felt steady enough to exit the shower. 

Oh, this was bad she thought...really bad Harley... 

What is wrong with you? 

* 

Frost stumbled into the hideout just as the first rays of the late summer sun had begun to chase off whatever coolness the evening had brought, promising another heavy, sweltering Gotham day. He groaned as he walked through the door, dragging his suit jacket behind him, sweat causing his dress shirt to stick to him. He had just barely managed to get himself free and out of the building before the cops arrived. After being subdued by Batgirl, he didn’t think he was going to get out, and he thought his chances were even slimmer when Batman appeared, but they never came back to check on him. He had worked his ass off, cut himself a few times in the process, but he’d gotten himself free and made a mad dash out of the building. He still couldn’t believe he’d gotten away. 

The apartment that Joker and he were calling their hideout was a moderately sized studio apartment that had belonged to his old lady named Ester Crowley. Ester had been a sweet old lady who, while Frost was a beat cop, would come check up on periodically just to make sure she had food and was taking her pills. Ester had no living family anymore and had no one to take care of her. The old dame had reminded Frost a lot of his dead grandmother. He hadn’t taken care of Ester for any compensation, but when she died he was shocked to find out she had left him this apartment, listing him as her grandson, Jonny Frost Crowley. Everything had been taken care of by Ester before her death so all Jonny had had to do was pick up the keys from the building’s repairman. 

The apartment came with all of Ester’s furnishing as well. 

The walls were all painted a pale powder pink and the furniture was all Louis XIV style (the only reason Frost knew that was because Ester had told him once.) Everything was in white, pink, or baby blue and the wood of the furniture had been painted gold, which was now chipping. There were pink gauzy curtains, (though Frost had put up some dark light out curtains along with the pink), there were dozens of porcelain little figurines on shelves and on every other flat surface, a large crystal chandelier (far too big for the apartment) and photos. The walls were lined with black and white photos of Ester at different ages with dozens upon dozens of celebrities, each photo signed by the celebrity in the image. 

As Frost closed the door, he could see the top of Joker’s green head, lying across the couch, one hand hung off the couch and laid against the floor; his white and black pointed oxfords propped up at the other end, crossed at the ankles, his striped yellow and purple socks visible. The green haired clown had one arm flung dramatically over his eyes while Ester’s Toy Fox Terrier Mindy lay on Joker’s chest. When Frost closed the door, Mindy jumped up, jumping on her front feet on Joker’s chest, and barked a quick, happy greeting before she walked around in a circle on Joker’s stomach and laid back down. 

Joker moaned dramatically, causing Frost to raise an eyebrow at him as he leaned down and pulled his shoes off. “Frost, I’m in trouble,” Joker said softly. 

After taking off his shoes, Jonny turned to lock the door. He glanced over his shoulder at Joker while he engaged the door locks. “How so? I mean, we got away...at least the two of us...” 

“I’m in love…” Joker sighed dramatically. 

Frost looked confused as he walked the rest of the way in, dipping down to grab his shoes as he walked further into the room. “So how did you fall in love between here and the shoot out?” Frost dropped his shoes by his end of the apartment. The only additions in regards to furniture that Joker and Frost had added was another bed. Joker had Ester’s old bed, a pink canopy bed that looked like it would be more appropriate in a tween girl’s room. (Joker had added green and purple blankets and pillows so now the room looked even gaudier than before. He’d wanted to put some circus posters on the walls, but Frost had pleaded with him to leave it alone. Joker had agreed only if Frost let him put a disco ball above his bed and a black light on his side of the room. Frost agreed and had thought Ester might have liked that.) Frost had brought in his twin size bed from his old apartment. They also brought over Frost’s TV, their clothes, guns and laptops, but everything else Frost had owned, he sold while Joker only owned a closet full of nice clothing (Frost had no idea where Joker had been living before they moved in here together, but the only things that Joker brought with him was his large wardrobe and his impressive collection of knives and his guns.) 

Joker chuckled as Frost pulled open the fridge and grabbed a beer. He grabbed one for Joker too and walked over to flop down in one of the pink chairs across from Joker so he could see his friend’s face. Joker rolled his head to the side to look forlornly at Frost. Frost could see that Joker had taken quite a beating. He saw dried blood on his lips and chin and some bruises were beginning to form on his jaw, bright bluish purple against his friend’s ghost white skin, though he knew the bruises would heal quickly. Everything healed quickly on Joker. 

Frost shook his head and tossed the other beer to Joker who caught it easily. Mindy raised her head from where she was curled on Joker’s stomach, but since she didn’t find beer as interesting as food she settled back down. 

“Okay, so who is she, a Disney princess?” Frost asked even as his entire body went loose as he finally relaxed. 

“She’s blonde, gorgeous, and with this body...” Joker pulled the tab on his beer even as he sucked in his body lip just thinking about Harley. “Her eyes are so blue and so...sexy, angry sexy! And her smile...god Frost, if you could have seen her smile!” Joker swooned. “And the way she hit me!!” Joker shook his head before taking a sip of his beer. Mindy raised her head and Joker grinned, holding the can out to her to let the little dog sniff. She licked the top of the can where a sip of beer had settled. She sneezed, clearly disgusted with the beer, and laid her head back down. 

“I don’t know why you always want a sip,” Joker muttered at the dog. “You don’t like beer, I keep telling you. Anyway...” Joker grinned at Frost. “She’s it Frost, my one true love, my other half...my soul mate!” Joker held his beer up to the ceiling as if he was toasting the heavens. 

“This soulmate of yours got a name?” Frost toed his socks off onto the floor. He knew he’d have to pick them up before Joker lost his mind over it. The man was clothes crazy and leaving clothing on the floor drove him up a wall, but they could wait for now. 

Joker laughed. “She’s got two name!” 

“Well most people do…” Jonny said, but Joker stuck his tongue out at him before he continued. “She’s called Batgirl, but…” 

Frost sat up straight. “WHAT?!” 

Mindy jumped up and barked a few times, clearly upset by Frost’s shout. 

Joker frowned at him while reaching out to pet Mindy until she calmed down. “You didn’t let me finish,” he muttered indignantly. 

“Batgirl? Are you off your fucking rocker?” Jonny’s tone was one of disbelief. 

“Yes, but that’s besides the point.” Joker pouted, sticking his bottom lip out and turning away from Frost to stroke Mindy’s back with a decidedly pouty air. “If you’re not going to be nice, then I won’t tell you her other name.” 

Frost sighed, closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose before he asked, “Okay, what’s her other name?” 

Joker scratched Mindy behind her ears just as the little dog liked it, causing her to thump one of her back legs on his chest. “Her name is Harleen, but I bet she goes by Harley.” 

“She told you that?” Frost took a large gulp of his beer before he asked in surprise. 

“Yep, she sure did, and she let me go.” Joker grinned at Frost. “See, she’s got the hots for me.” He wiggled happily on the couch. “I mean, any insane person would have the hots for me too, but the way she held me down…” He shook his head and sighed, going back to being dramatic on the couch, his arm once more flung over his eyes. “She’s my true love.” 

Frost frowned and took another large gulp of his beer, not sure how to respond to Joker’s declaration when the other man sat up, causing Mindy to give Joker a disgruntled look before she dropped down to the floor and trotted over to Frost who reached down to pet her. Frost watched Joker as he hurried across the room to his bed, leaving his beer on the floor as he grabbed his laptop. 

Frost watched as Joker kicked his shoes off and climbed onto his bed, reaching up to grab the cord that dangled through the hole in the canopy bed to turn on his disco ball before he lifted the lid on his lap top. Joker started to type quickly while the disco ball cast glittering squares of light down on him until Frost’s curiosity finally prompted him to ask. 

“What are you doing?” 

“I’m looking up Harleys in Gotham,” Joker replied without looking up. 

Frost sighed, standing up and headed over to the little kitchen with Mindy following hopefully behind him. “You know there could be hundreds of women and men named Harley in Gotham. Hell…” Frost set his beer aside and pulled out a box of dog treats, handing one to Mindy to grab the treat with excitement before she hurried back into the main room and jumped onto the bed with Joker. Frost shook his head. Mindy liked him, but she always preferred Joker. He pulled the fridge open while he continued talking to Joker. “...and she didn’t tell you her nickname was Harley...you’re just making that assumption.” 

Joker narrowed his eyes looking over at Frost. “Now you’re just making this difficult on purpose.” 

Frost stared into the fridge for a few minutes, trying to decide on something to eat before he pulled out the fixings for sandwiches, grabbing out mayo, turkey, tomato, spinach, and some sliced cheese, enough to make four sandwiches, two for each of them. He didn’t ask if Joker was hungry since the man would go without eating until he passed out or he’d eat only junk food if Frost didn’t make sure he ate at least one decent meal a day. He shook his head at the thought of all the junk food in the cabinets. 

While Frost busied himself in the little kitchen, Joker frowned as he focused his attention on the computer screen while Mindy laid next to him holding her treat between her paws. When Frost walked over and set the plate with his sandwich on the bed next to Joker’s knee, making sure to give Mindy some turkey as well, Joker looked up, a frown on his face that showed just a glimmer of disappointment. 

“Did you know there are 735 people named Harley in Gotham?” he asked Frost, almost as if he was accusing Frost of having planted these other Harleys to thwart his search. Frost grunted and sat down on the edge of Joker’s bed with his own plate of sandwiches balanced on his lap. “Did you look up Harleen?” he asked before picking up a turkey sandwich and taking a bite. 

Joker grinned, his eyes lighting up as he quickly typed in the name Harleen. “Oh that’s better, there’s only thirty one Harleens in Gotham!” he exclaimed with excitement before he started to type frantically only to slam his hands down on the keyboard before gesturing angrily at the screen. “I have to buy a membership to look at the fucking white pages on here!!” 

“How much?” Frost asked around a bite. 

“It’s twenty bucks if I want to see everything...or five if I just want access to names, phone numbers and addresses…” Joker muttered, his eyes narrowed. 

“Five isn’t bad...how about you...” Frost set his sandwich down on the bed before he stood. “...take a bite of your sandwich…and I’ll take care of the fees.” he ordered Joker before he walked into the kitchen where he pulled open a couple of drawers, looking for something. 

Joker sighed, picked up his sandwich and took a bite, pulling out some of the turkey to feed to Mindy while he waited for Frost. After another couple of minutes of rummaging through drawers, Frost turned and held up a credit card. “Here we go, this one should be good to use.” 

Frost crossed the space quickly and handed the credit card to Joker who took it, flipped it over to see the name Saul Emmett on the card. “Who’s Saul?” Joker asked as he started to put the information into the computer. 

“He’s that guy who wanted to be part of our gang, but then he said you looked like the underside of a dead fish and you put that knife through his ear.” Frost picked up his sandwich again and started eating before making a face and getting up again to go and fetch his beer. 

“Oh yeah, I remember him, he had that really stupid nose ring.” Joker chuckled. “He looked so surprised when I put that knife in his ear.” He continued to giggle at the memory while his fingers flew across the keys. “There...okay...let’s see...no, no...” Frost couldn’t see what Joker was doing, but he assumed his friend was eliminating the least likely Harleens to be Batgirl until finally he grinned, his smile stretching across his pale, bruised face as he looked over at Frost, his blue eyes bright. “All right, we have eight potentials candidates. After a quick look at their social media or at least the ones that have a social media presence. Like this one, Dr. Harleen Quinzel, has her own practice in Gotham...” He pointed at his screen and grinned. “Oh she’s a p-sychiatrist! You know, I do love my head shrinks…” He laughed which only caused Frost to shake his head while Joker continued “...anyway, no picture on her website!” He shook his head in disappointment before he continued. “Anyway...these eight are either blonde with blue eyes or there are no pictures of them. So...that means we need to do a Terminator!” Joker wiggled on the bed nearly knocking his sandwich off the plate. Mindy looked up at Joker, her little brown eyes bright with curiosity and the hope she might get the entire sandwich. 

Frost finished his sandwich frowning at Joker, clearly confused. “Terminator?” 

Joker smiled, his eyes bright. “Yeah, remember he was going through the phone book and going to the homes of all the Sarah Conners and killing them...I mean, I’m not going to kill Harleens because you know...my true love. Well, I might if they aren’t the one, because I don’t take disappointment real well…” Joker chuckled, but Frost held his hand up, stopping him. “Whoa, we are not going to go to see all the Harleens...I mean...” He frowned at Joker gesturing at his colorful friend “You stand out, someone would see us…” 

Joker’s smile didn’t dim. “You could go for me!” 

“No,” Frost said flatly, but Joker pouted, sticking his bottom lip out like a toddler. 

“But how am I going to find my true love Frost?! Are you going to stand in the way of true love?” Joker smiled putting his hand to his chest as he started to quote, once more putting on an air of drama. “...wuv, twue wuv, will fowwow you foweva…” 

“Ugh! Not the Princess Bride…” Frost groaned loudly and rolled his eyes, which caused Mindy to bark at him. 

Joker giggled and continued, ignoring Frost. “Sonny, true love is the greatest thing in the world. Except for a nice M.L.T., a mutton, lettuce, and tomato sandwich, where the mutton is nice and lean, and the tomato is ripe. They're so perky. I love that…” 

“Stop, please,” Frost pleaded with raised hands, then asked. “Wouldn’t just committing another crime be easier?” Frost then realized what he had said when Joker’s eyes lit up. “That’s it Frost! We commit another crime! Something big, something Batgirl will have to take note of.” 

Frost leaned over and closed Joker’s computer, picking up the sandwich his friend had clearly forgotten and put it on top of the computer, motioning at it. “Eat.” 

Joker sighed and picked the sandwich up taking a large bite as he pursed his lips at his friend. 

Biting his bottom lip in thought, Frost leaned against the canopyfootpost behind him. “The problem with committing a crime is that it won’t just bring Batgirl, it’ll bring Batman too…” 

Joker nodded his agreement and swallowed before he spoke. “Too big a crime, we bring the police. Too little they might not notice...and I need her to notice me.” There was a sliver of desperation in his voice that Frost didn’t think Joker noticed. He frowned and studied his friend more closely. Joker had been with a few women, very few, and they were all just one-night stands, and only when he had those “urges,” which wasn’t very often. Usually Joker was occupied with his clothing, making his laughing gas (Frost had no idea what his laughing gas was, only that Joker promised when it was ready he’d love it), his guns, his knives, and becoming one of Gotham’s big criminals. Otherwise Joker wasn’t interested in women or relationships. Which was why Frost found this sudden obsession with Batgirl so strange. 

“Hey.” Frost stood up, stretching and cracking his back. “...you know what, you should shower and sleep on it. You’ll figure out what to do.” 

Joker looked up at Frost as he finished his sandwich, giving the last couple of bites to Mindy. “You think so?” Joker asked with a pensive, if slightly worried look. 

“Yeah, I'm positive Joker. You’re the brains and I’m the muscle, remember?” Frost pulled his jacket off and unholstered his guns. “Go on, you take the first shower. I’m going to take Mindy out for a quick walk.” 

Joker nodded and got to his feet with Mindy dropping off the bed in excitement when she heard the word ‘walk.’ “Okay.” He sounded a little sad, Frost thought as he watched Joker head to the bathroom. Batgirl had really gotten to him… 

So weird Frost thought as he pulled Mindy’s leash off the nail by the wall. “All right shorty, let’s go...and no chasing rats this time.” Frost put her lead on and muttered. “You nearly choked yourself to death last time…” 

* 

Joker leaned his head back, eyes closed, and let the warm water wash over him, but behind his closed eyelids he saw her. The way her nose wrinkled when she was angry, the feel of her sitting on top of him, the way her breasts pressed against the tight suit she wore, the feel of her legs around him, her hands holding him down, that look of lust and violence in her eyes… 

Groaning low and deep, Joker’s erection became painfully hard in an instant. No woman had ever attracted him, made him want her so much. No, it was more than want he realized. The intensity of this feeling threatened to overwhelm him. If he didn’t find her, didn’t convince her they were meant to be together… 

Joker pushed those thoughts away, grasping his erection with a hiss and instead focused on the memory of his fight with her, every intimate detail of being with her, the way her suit clung to her figure, the smell of her hair, her skin when she was close… 

He imagined what her skin would feel like, how wet she’d be when he fucked her while imagining what the taste of her lips would be like, to hear her say his name in a breathy moan...and to see her smile only for him. 

The orgasm that hit Joker was like a bullet, ripping through him and leaving him weak in the knees and confused. 

He chuckled to himself, she was definitely the one.


	3. In Search of Harleen

It was still early morning when Harleen arrived at her office wearing what she considered her doctor uniform; a knee-length black pencil skirt, a dark blue or red blouse (sometimes she would switch it up with pink, green, or a different shade of blue or red), her blonde hair in a tight bun at the top or her head or sometimes at the base of her neck. She usually wore a pair of black plastic framed glasses (to make her look more professional), a pair of black hose, and a simple pair of black modest heels. It was promising to be a warm day and the morning air was heavy with humidity, so she had worn a short-sleeved blouse under her doctor’s jacket today as she slipped her key in and opened her office door. 

Dr. Quinzel’s little office was on the bottom floor of an older brick building in an area where a lot of the buildings dated back several decades. It wasn’t a big office, but it was perfect for her needs with three rooms--one for reception--the walls painted a nice calming shade of blue with framed images of landscapes and beaches on the wall, along with a scent diffuser and soft, relaxing music. The other room was Harleen’s office and therapy room. The room was big enough that she could have some bookshelves, the walls painted a warm brown with only a few pictures, forests and other calming imagery. She had a nice, comfortable couch and some chairs decorated with pillows and blankets. There was even a box of stuffed toys in the corner for anyone who needed them. The room looked more like part of a living room than an office, which was how she liked it. Making her patients feel at home, comfortable, and at ease enough that they wanted to talk to her was the goal. And last was the kitchen and dining area. 

Harleen set her purse down on Doris’s desk and went into the little kitchen, (the small private kitchen for Harleen and Doris to use) started the coffee in the machine, which would probably get her the stink eye from her receptionist Doris Chase, her receptionist. She was a great woman, but she kept seeing Harleen as one of her children. Smiling, Harleen made the coffee and started the diffuser before she grabbed her purse and headed into her office, leaving the door open a crack so that Doris would know she was there. 

Stopping at one of the bookshelves, Harleen pulled her phone out and looked through the playlists, smiling when she found a song she wanted to listen to before office hours started. Lana del Ray began to sing over her phone’s speaker. Harleen smiled, turning on her toes and moving in a slow sway to del Ray’s jazzy tune before she pulled out her desk chair and flopped down, dropping her purse onto the desk beside her. 

Pulling over her appointment calendar, Harleen decided to take a look at who she was seeing today, then pulled out her notebook from her desk (which she kept locked) and made a few notes to herself. After a few minutes of trying to be productive, Harleen sighed and dropped her pen on her desk, setting her elbows on the desk as well. She reached under her frames to start to rub her eyes only to stop herself because she was wearing makeup and didn’t want to smear her eyeliner. 

Her mind had been occupied by the man from the other night, the Joker. She’d dreamed about him, about moonlight dancing on his pale skin, his hair catching the light and shining a deep green that made her want to touch his hair, but then there were his eyes. He’d had a manic energy, his eyes had been almost electric blue and he was so tall...tall and slender. 

Harleen felt more than just her heart skipping a beat. She felt a pulse between her legs that made her squeeze her thighs together. 

“Ugh…” Harleen groaned at herself. She couldn’t focus. 

Harleen stood up and headed into the kitchen to make herself a cup of coffee (with a little too much sugar) before she walked back to the office and sat down at her desk. Setting her coffee aside to cool, Harley reached over for her purse. She looked around for a few seconds, as her purse was pretty big, holding a lot of miscellaneous things, but what she was looking for was a piece of WayneTech that Bruce had given her. 

After a few more seconds Harleen’s hand brushed what she was looking for, she grabbed it and pulled the device out. 

It looks a little like an Ipad, though it was thinner, black and sleek, and also not on the market. This was a special device that Bruce and Lucius had come up with for Batman and Batgirl. Harleen set the pad on her desk, popped out the little stand that allowed it to stay vertical. Her finger flew over the keys as she typed ‘Joker’ into the Gotham police department search (Lucius had given her and Bruce a secret door that allowed them to slip into the police files without being detected. The little WayneTech pad allowed them to do a quick search while on the move instead of being bound to the larger Bat-computer back at the cave. Though so far, Bruce liked to depend on Alfred’s search abilities instead of his own.) Harleen decided to widen her search from the name Joker as it related to a person and instead decided to look for any mention of the word joker. 

After typing in a word search for Joker, Harleen blinked in surprise at the number of files that had a mention of the word joker in them. Leaning forward Harleen began sorting through the files. Several files were lists of confiscated items taken from prisoners, such as drugs and weapons and even a few vehicles, but she also found a listing for a set of playing cards, rings adorned with tiny card replicas, and a necklace. She found lists and images of tattoos taken from arrests. After a bit she found a rhythm in which she could quickly dismiss a file and move on. She did this for the next five minutes until one caught her eyes. The file had the word joker listed as a name… 

Clicking on the file Harleen found that it was for a man named Buster Bronski, arrested for assault and robbery. He was the younger brother of a well known mob enforcer, Buzz Bronski. A quick review showed that in an interview Buster had mentioned working for a new crime lord who called himself the Joker. Harleen spent another few minutes looking for more references to Joker, but she found nothing else. 

She sighed then jumped when Doris asked. “You okay Dr. Quinzel?” 

Putting her hand to her chest, Harleen laughed. “Yeah, sorry--you startled me.” 

“What’s that? Is that a new Ipad? My son Martin keeps asking for one, but those things are expensive.” Doris smiled as Harleen nodded her agreement. “They are, this is just a loaner from a friend.” She picked it up and dropped it into her purse. 

Doris smiled again, stepping back away from the doorway. “Well, your nine o’clock should be here any minute…” 

“Thank you Doris.” Harleen sighed to herself. She just had to wait and do some more Joker research later, but her mind drifted to the memory of his smile, the brightness of his blue eyes, and just how good he smelled. 

Why did she find that strange man so sexy Harleen wondered with a shake of her head. 

* 

Joker, wearing only a faded lime-green towel around his hips, grinned at his reflection in Ester’s vanity. He sat on the worn velvet cushion, picked up the powder puff and lightly dabbed at his makeup before turning his head one way, then the other to examine his work. He had a wig cap on, held in place with bobby pins, that hid his green hair. His normally alabaster white skin was covered by a thick layer of fountain and powder that made him look like a ‘normal,’ if still somewhat pale, man. He’d applied the foundation down his neck, until he’d covered part of his chest and up to his shoulders. 

When he was happy with how he looked as he reached over and grabbed a bottle of setting spray for his makeup. A moment later, he grabbed a decorative purple glass bottle that was either perfume or cologne (he had no idea what the fragrance was or the difference between perfume or cologne, only that Ester had liked perfume and cologne equally and the old woman had always had good taste.) 

After giving himself several generous spritzes with the perfume until he had a cloud of fragrance around him. “Mmm,” he vocalized his pleasure. Vanilla with a hint of sandalwood and musk, very nice he thought. He smelled good enough to eat! Now if only he could find the right Harleen, the right Harley. (He didn’t know why, but his gut told him she was more a Harley than a Harleen.) Maybe she would be interested in taking a bite out of him; he would certainly be interested in being bitten. 

Joker giggled with anticipation setting the bottle down before he jumped up, scaring Mindy who had curled up and fallen asleep under the chair he’d been sitting on. Joker dropped the towel and looked at himself naked in the mirror, doing the “Superman” pose as everyone had started to call the pose that flying aliens liked to use for every picture taken of him. Fists on his hips, penis thrust out. 

“Would you fuck me? I’d fuck me and I’m not even gay, so wow!” Joker giggled at his reflection, during which he twisted around to inspect his ass. The mismatched patches of makeup and skin, his green hair plastered under a wig cap with bobby pins, and his lips lacked lipstick, but his blue eyes were vibrant no matter what the color of his skin and hair. “I look good no matter what, don’t you think Mindy?” Joker glanced over at Mindy who was watching him with her head slightly tilted to the side. “I’m one hot clown. Batgirl will be all over me…” He frowned slightly. “I hope…” He shook his head. “Nah, she wants me as much as I want her, I can tell these things.” He winked at Mindy who only cocked her head the other way at him. 

Joker started to sing, to rap his way across the bedroom to the bed, clearly happy as he moved his body to music only he was hearing, though Mindy clearly liked his singing as she trotted aside him. 

“Fuck a princess, I'm a king 

Bow down and kiss on my ring 

Being a bitch is my kink 

What the fuck else did you think? 

Fuck a princess, I'm a king 

Bow down and kiss on my ring 

It's gonna hurt, it'll sting 

Spitting your blood in the sink.” 

* 

Arriving at the bed Joker looked over the outfit he had laying on the bed along with a pair of green and blue striped boxers and a pair of green and orange polka dot socks. 

“This is going to be a great disguise, just you watch Mindy--even you won’t recognize me.” Joker waggled his eyebrows, now looking brown with the makeup he had used to cover the green. He grabbed the boxers, singing to himself as he dressed… 

“I'm crazy, but you like that 

I bite back, daisies on your nightstand 

Never forget, I blossom in the moonlight 

Screw eyes, glacial with the blue ice 

I'm terrifying…” 

* 

Frost was waiting down the street in the car, looking at his phone while he tried to keep an eye out for Joker. 

Joker had told him not to wait by the building because he didn't want anyone to see him get in the car, which made Frost antsy, wondering what the hell Joker was doing. He wasn’t happy with the plan today at all, but Joker would not be persuaded to give up his search for this woman named Harleen that he claimed was Batgirl. His friend was becoming quickly obsessed with the woman, and that was strange in and of itself. Joker never obsessed over people, let alone a woman. Crime, dark humor, and plots were his love, at least until just recently. This was all new territory for Frost, how to deal with his friend being clearly twitterpated. 

Frost had been looking through his phone when suddenly the passenger door to this car popped open. He saw a man wearing a tan delivery person outfit with the sewn on name tag that read “Joe,” a matching baseball cap, mirrored aviator sunglasses, matching brown cloth gloves on his hands, and a fanny pack around his waist. The man held a package as he jumped into Frost’s car and slammed the door shut. 

Dropping his phone Frost moved swiftly, yanking his gun out from his shoulder holster and aiming the barrel at the man’s head. The delivery man only laughed at him. 

“Haha!! Frost it’s me!! Joker!!” Joker wrinkled his nose and lips playfully as he continued to laugh. 

Frost frowned in confusion, slowly lowering his gun, his eyes moving over the man’s face, the brown hair, but slowly he started to recognize his friend under the make up. 

“J, is that you?” Frost asked in awe. 

“In the flesh!!” Joker beamed at him, tilting his face back and forth like he was having his photos taken. “Whatcha think?” he asked, turning back to face Frost. “I told you, I could hide in plain sight!” 

“I think you are a crazy son-of-a-bitch,” Frost said with a laugh. “I couldn’t tell it was you at all.” 

“See, this is going to go great!!” Joker laughed, kicking his feet against the floor in excitement. “I’m going to find my Cinderella!!” He sighed dramatically, making Frost chuckle as he thought that Joker would be great in a Spanish language drama. No one could overact as much or be as flamboyant as Joker. 

“So, what’s the first address?” Frost asked as he started the car. 

Joker promptly started to mess with the car’s old fashioned CD player. Frost said nothing. The CD in the stereo was a combination of songs that Joker had put together. Frost had learned early in their relationship to just let Joker have his way with the music whenever they were in the car or he would pout. A dramatically pouting Joker was funny--sometimes--but Frost knew it was best to keep his friend happy. (The first time Frost had learned his lesson on letting Joker listen to his music was after the clown had put six slugs into the stereo and pronounced that no one was going to listen to music now. The proceeding tantrum and pouting session had not been worth the fight. Frost went out and bought a new system and let Joker have his way with the music.) 

“Ah...hold on…” Joker pulled his fanny back around from the side and unzipped it. He pulled out a small pistol, a tiny spritz bottle filled with green liquid--which Frost had no idea what it was--a swiss army knife, and finally several folded up pieces of sticky notes. Joker pulled out all four sticky notes and pressed them to the dash. “There, these are the first four and tomorrow we can do the other four.” Joker grinned wide. “Soon, I’ll have her…” He wiggled in his seat with excitement before he went back to flipping through the songs on the CD. 

After he flipped through the tracks on the CD, Joker settled on Prince singing “Kiss” and started to dance in his seat while singing along and snapping his fingers as he sang. Frost chuckled at his friend’s actions and shook his head as Joker’s voice overpowered Prince. 

“You don't have to be beautiful 

To turn me on 

I just need your body baby 

From dusk till dawn…” 

* 

The first place was an apartment building in the old area of Gotham. The area wasn’t exactly high class, but it wasn’t a slum either. Frost saw a handful of neighborhood watch signs, a couple of playgrounds, and a public vegetable garden. He’d seen families walking their children as well as some teens running around. There was no sign of a homeless population, though there might be a few suspicious people that went around the corner, but otherwise it looked to be a nice area. 

This was an area in which people would probably notice if Joker did something violent. Pressing his lips together, Frost said nothing as he looked for a place to park. 

Frost pulled up to the curb across the street, looking up at the building though the windshield. “You sure about this J? I mean, it’s just some blonde girl, we can find you a blonde…” 

Joker turned to glare at Frost whose mouth snapped shut. “She is not just any blonde Frost...she’s the one,” he said softly, but with emphasis as he grabbed the sticky note with the address and name off the dash. 

“Harleen J. Kristen…” Joker said the name with a frown. “Doesn’t sound right…” he muttered. 

“You wanna skip this one?” Frost asked hopefully, but Joker shook his head crumpling up the paper into a wad and tossed it into the back seat, much to Frost’s annoyance as his friend hopped out of the car and onto the sidewalk, leaving the passenger door open. 

“Wish me luck!” Joker announced as he balanced his box on his hip, Frost only now wondering what was in the box, if anything… 

Hopefully nothing explosive, he thought with a slight shake of his head. 

* 

Joker made his way up to the third floor after pushing all the call buttons and waiting for someone to simply buzz him in without asking for him to identify himself. After walking down the hall twice, he found the apartment. One of the numbers was missing which was why he missed it the first time, but by process of elimination he discovered the correct door. Plastering on a bright smile that showed all his teeth, Joker held his package in front of him and knocked on the door. 

He frowned within seconds. On the other side of the door he could hear voices, children’s voices followed by a woman yelling. “Bentley, stop hitting your brother now!!” 

A wail went up and then the door opened part way, the chain still in place. “Can I help you?” The woman on the other side of the door had dishwater blonde hair cut short, hazel eyes, and she held a baby on her hip. 

Joker opened his mouth, then closed it. “I think I have the wrong apartment.” 

The woman frowned at him, her eyes going to the package then back to him. “Who are you looking for?” she asked in a tired sounding voice. 

Joker panicked for a split second before he grinned. “Archibald Leach.” 

The woman on the other side of the door wrinkled her nose and muttered. “Nope, never heard that name before…” 

“Oh well, thank you anyway, you have a nice day, and take care of those little gutter runners…” Joker touched the bill of his hat and hurried away leaving Harleen muttering under her breath as she shut the door. “Gutter runners?” She snorted and laughed. 

* 

Joker jumped into the car, once more startling Frost. “It wasn’t her…” 

Looking up at the building, Frost asked. “She okay?” 

“Yeah…” Joker wrinkled his nose. “She’s got kids Frost, real little ones. What kind of monster do you think I am?” Looking offended, Joker straightened up his back, then collapsed into laughter at the confused expression on his friend’s face. “Yeah, I am a monster, but not that sort of monster! You know I got a no kid policy. Okay, forward and onward!” Joker pointed, jabbing his finger against the windshield while Frost pulled away from the curb. 

* 

The next Harleen was a Harleen Harlin. Her parents must have hated her, Joker mused. Joker laughed when he showed Frost the name. She lived in the suburbs, a place with the pleasant name of Cherry Hills. Staring out the window, Joker shook his head. “How can they live like this?” 

“Well some people like to have a lot of space,” Frost said as he admired the trimmed and uniform green lawns despite the heat. 

“You know what Frosty, I’ve been told I’m crazy by lots of doctors, but I ain’t this crazy.” He shook his head and pointed out the window, looking over his shoulder at Frost. “But this...this is...is...a wasteland where anything fun comes to die.” 

Frost stifled his laugh as he drove on. 

* 

Harleen two, Harleen Harlin, lived in a small ranch-style home with a neat and trim lawn, seasonal flowers in the flower beds and no husband. After twenty years married and sixteen months trying to settle the divorce, she was finally rid of that man. It wasn’t that Jim was a bad man, he wasn’t, but he’d been like a rock around her neck after their first year of marriage. He’d wanted to settle down and raise a family when that was the last thing she wanted. After giving him two kids she didn’t want and finally getting them old enough that they were out of the house, Harleen had finally divorced him. She now had the house, all the plastic surgery she had wanted, and half his money. Not too bad thought with a smile as she poured herself some lemonade. She was dressed for seduction, her professionally dyed blonde hair styled, her makeup done, the barely there blue bikini that highlighted her new breasts and a see through cover-all and some platform sandals, she was ready to hit the pool. 

With her glass in hand, Harleen was about to go out to the pool to watch the poolman she had hired--a young, hot man with the delicious name of Boston--clean the pool and see if she could seduce him when she heard a knock at her door. 

Harleen took a deep breath of frustration through her nose before she turned and headed to the door. Setting her glass on the table nearby, she swung the door open. 

“Hello Miss...Harleen…” Joker smiled brightly, his eyes behind the mirrored glasses ran slowly down this woman’s figure. “I have a delivery!” he said brightly though his eyes filled with concern. Everything about this Harleen didn’t look right to him. Her breasts were too big. Batgirl had a nice set of bongos, really nice, but these were more like torpedos coming right at him, could put his damn eye out! Her lips were weird too. He didn’t remember them looking like she had hemorrhoids of the mouth, like she had an anus for a mouth. 

Joker shuddered. 

“You know, I think this is the wrong Harleen…” He started to turn around when Harleen stepped out of her door (the door slamming behind her), grabbed Joker by the shoulder and spun him around. “Let me see that…” She started to grab for the box, but Joker yanked it away and held it over his head after a few seconds of weaving to avoid her. Even with her platform shoes on, Joker was quite a bit taller than her. 

“Give that here right now!” she snarled, but Joker danced out of her way. “Careful lady you might fall over and pop one of those…” He gestured at her chest. 

“How dare you, do you know who I am?” Harleen number two snarled and stamped her foot. Joker opened his mouth to say, ‘No, he did not know who she was and frankly he didn’t give a damn,’ (which of course would have required this to be said in his best Rhett Butler impression) but before he could even take a breath she kept going. “What’s your name? Let me see your ID? Who do you work for? I don’t remember seeing you delivering anything before here, we don’t just allow just anyone in our neighborhood.” She curled her lip in disgust, looking Joker up and down, when Joker once more danced away from her. “You’re skinny, are you some sort of drug addict?” 

“What?” Joker gasped. “I am not skinny, I will have you know that I’m wiry.” 

“Whatever, you’re just like all other men, think you’re gods gift. Well, I’ll have you know that you and the rest can fuck off!” Harleen number two hissed. He saw spittle fly from between her teeth. 

Joker looked confused at where this woman’s rage was coming from. “I just said you can’t have my box lady.” 

* 

(Frost was watching from the car trying to figure out what was happening. Joker looked like he was involved in some sort of strange mating dance. He couldn’t believe that woman was Joker’s Cinderella. She looked sour, like she was a bitter woman and Joker didn’t usually go for women who were too...enhanced.) 

* 

“Just like you...you men...incels, all of you. Think you can show up and not have to explain yourself, think you know everything.” She proceeded to march at Joker who stopped moving, holding the box over his head so she couldn’t snag it from him. He glanced over to see one of Harleen number two’s neighbors was out watering his lawn and watching the scene unfolding. His and Joker’s eyes met and the man mouthed, “Sorry man.” He followed the sympathetic comment by a shrug. 

A couple of teenagers skateboarding by stopped to watch, snickering among themselves. Joker wasn’t sure if they were laughing at him, her, or the entire situation. 

“I don't have to listen to any man, especially some little man in a uniform who makes what? Fifteen dollars an hour? You’re nothing…” She virtually spat, then made another grab for the box. “I’m going to call the cops and tell them how you tried to assault me, how you tried to force me into my home to rape me…” 

“What?!! You can’t do that! I didn’t do anything! That’s not how that works!! That’s not how any of this is supposed to work!” Joker nearly screamed in surprise and indignation. “Besides, I wouldn’t touch you if you were the last woman on earth! Ew!!” He stuck his tongue out at her. 

This Harleen laughed nastily at him. “Let’s see who they believe, shall we?” 

Joker tossed the box behind him, dropped his hands to his fanny pack, yanked it around, and pulled his pistol out in a flash. Harleen number two, who had once more been stomping her way over to Joker laughed. 

“Oh, are we compensating for a small dick??? Gotta have the gun to make you feel like a man?” She sneered at him. “Think a gun will solve all your problems little man?” 

“No, but I’m hoping it’ll help me with this particular problem I have…” Joker snapped the pistol up and shot her in the forehead. Only after he’d shot did he wince, thinking he should have put a suppressor on, even though he did have an audience. 

Harleen’s head jerked back, her eyes crossing to look up at the bloody hole in her head before she fell backwards onto some yellow and orange marigolds. Joker blinked, slowly lowering the gun as silence returned to the suburb. He glanced over at the man who was watering his lawn. The man stared in shock at Harleen’s dead body, then back to Joker before he turned his back on Joker and continued to water his lawn as if nothing had happened. 

Turning around, Joker looked at the teens who stared in shock at the dead body just as Frost yelled after opening the door. “Will you get the fuck in!!” 

Joker turned, putting his gun away. “All right, all right…” He stopped and picked his box up. “...geez…” 

“What the fuck…” Frost asked as he sped into the road and quickly away. 

“What do you mean what the fuck? She was mean to me, you should have heard her. She hurt my feelings…” Joker pouted and slumped in his seat. 

Frost groaned. “So you shot her??!” 

“Yes. I find killing people helps my self-confidence when someone is mean to me, especially if the person I kill is the one who upset me,” Joker muttered then sighed. “It puts me in my safe place. Besides, that wasn’t the right Harleen…” Joker glared out the window for a few seconds before he muttered in a sour tone. “I need a grape soda.” 

Frost sighed. “Fine, but only if you don’t kill this next one…” 

“You know I can't promise that! How about if I do, I just make sure I’m not outside?” Joker looked hopefully at Frost until he sighed. 

“Fine.” 

Joker clapped his hands. 

* 

Harleen number three lived in an apartment in the Gotham Heights area. Joker hopped the stairs two at a time, humming to himself, and cheerfully knocked on the door. The door opened and a man with a thick beard and mustache wearing full glitter eye make up, his lips a sparkling shade of pink, wearing a beautiful green evening dress with her long hair dyed platinum blonde and piled on top of her head in a lovely twisted bun with little locks curling around her face, wearing a diamond clip in her hair, answered the door. 

Joker frowned, then shook his head. “Sorry, I think I have the wrong address.” 

“Oh, who you looking for honey?” this Harleen asked with a grin. “I’m available if you need a girlfriend--or a boyfriend.” She winked at him, fluttering her fake eyelashes at him. 

Smiling Joker shook his head. “Nah, the girl I’m looking for is special…” 

Harleen smiled a little brighter, leaning on her door frame. “Oh wait, you’re not a delivery man are you? Are you looking for someone named Harleen by going through the phone book or something?” 

Joker grinned looking bashful. “Something like that...” 

“Well ain’t you a romantic--a little creepy, but a little romantic too. Well, good luck honey, I hope if you find her and it works out.” Harleen number three started to go back inside, but Joker called out. “Hey, can you tell me what color that is you're wearing on your lips?” He pointed to her lips. “It’s so sparkly!” 

Harleen chuckled and smiled. “I always like a man with an eye for makeup. You sure this other Harleen is worth it?” 

“Oh I have no doubt…” Joker said softly. 

“Oh well…” She shrugged and smiled. “I use a…” 

* 

After getting a few makeup tips from the drag queen Harleen, Frost and Joker hit the last, Harleen number four, who had a house too, a small two story with a tiny yard (nothing like the suburb yards though.) No one answered the door, but Joker was not about to give up, even after he saw the doorbell camera, which he waved at, but still got no response. Frustrated, he walked around and into the yard until he found a doggy door he could slip through. 

Going into the house on his hands and knees, Joker was attacked by a dog. 

The dog, a little blonde labradoodle was overjoyed to see someone and licked his face, licking off a section of Joker’s makeup. Laughing, Joker sat back letting the excited dog (clearly more puppy than grown dog) lick his face. He examined the dog’s collar where a little metal hung down with the name, Gucci, on the tag. “OOh look at you, a Gucci dog….” Joker chuckled, rubbing the little dog’s ears. 

Picking the little dog up and continuing to rub its ears, Joker walked around looking for anything that would tell him if this was his Harley. The place seemed pretty normal, boring, but normal. He walked around inspecting things, but he didn’t find anything interesting until he finally discovered a wedding photo in the bedroom. He frowned, studying it then looked down at the little dog. The Harleen in the photo was too thin, and there was something about the set of her mouth that was just all wrong. “Not her. Besides, she has really bad taste in men…” He frowned looking at the husband in the photo. “Is it me Gucci, or does her husband look like Mr. Bean? God I hope they don’t have any kids.” He shuddered and chuckled. 

Joker grinned and put the little dog down on the bed. “I bet you’re not allowed on the bed are you?” 

The little dog began rolling around and rooting around through the pillows, clearly overjoyed. “You enjoy yourself buddy…” Joker waved at the dog as he headed out the way he had come, disappointed. 

(Later the couple that lived here would review their home’s security cameras to see a strange delivery man waving at the doorbell camera, then again in their home walking about and petting their dog. They did a search of their home looking for anything that had been stolen, only to find nothing. For months to come, the couple would be haunted by the man who broke into the home, but took absolutely nothing…) 

* 

In another part of Gotham, the work day had gone by fairly quickly, but Harleen was sure she hadn’t paid enough attention to her patients today, not like she should have. She just couldn’t seem to focus on anything but her mystery man, that man whose smile and eyes she couldn’t seem to get out of her head. 

Her brain had been so focused on her mysterious green haired man that Harleen was surprised when Doris had knocked on her office door to let her know she had cleaned up and was going home. 

Harleen was bent over her special WayneTech pad doing more research on Joker, so focused on her research that Doris’s knock startled her. 

“Oh god.” Harleen tried to catch her breath laughing, her hand to her chest. “Gave me a heart attack...is it that late?” she asked when she saw that Doris had her purse over her arm. “Yep, it’s six p.m. The husband is here to pick me up. You want us to take you home? You don’t have to take the subway or the bus, it would be fine with us.” 

Holding up her hand Harleen shook her head. “No, no, it’s fine, I have some mace in my purse.” 

Doris didn’t look convinced or pleased as she said softly, “Mace?” 

“Go on, I’ll be fine I promise. Remember when I was taking those self-defense classes?” Which was practicing how to take down criminals with Bruce. “I’ll just call a cab.” Harleen smiled at her secretary who finally sighed since this had been an ongoing argument for months now. “All right, well, good night.” 

“Good night Doris.” Harleen smiled and returned her attention to her pad when her cellphone, that sat at the corner of her desk, began to ring the moment Doris had closed the door behind her. 

Harleen reached for her phone to see that it was Bruce. 

“Hey Bruce, whatcha up to?” Harleen asked, balancing the phone between her shoulder and ear as she set the pad down and she reached for the drawer of her desk that held her purse. She unlocked the draw and pulled it open. 

“Well, I wanted to know if you wanted to grab something to eat before we head out tonight? We could go to the new pizza place…” Bruce asked unsure. Harleen could hear something in his voice, something about his tone that Harleen could tell was off. After years of knowing him as well as she did, Bruce had a hard time lying to her. 

“Did something happen with Selina, Bruce? I thought you were having dinner with her tonight…” Harleen tried to keep the anger out of her voice, but she was failing. She didn’t like Selina, didn’t like the way she jerked Bruce around all the time. 

“She flaked on me...again,” Bruce said softly, clearly hurt. 

“Where did she say she had to be this time?” Harleen asked, her expression sour and leaking through into her tone. 

She was getting tired of Selina treating Bruce like shit. That woman was constantly breaking dates with him for some reason or another. She was sure that Selina was doing something on the side. She couldn’t be sure if it was a job or something shadier, but she felt sure Selina was hiding something. Harleen didn’t understand why Bruce kept going back to her. Sure, he dated other women, but Selina was to Bruce what Ada Wong was to Leon Kennedy. Selina didn’t deserve him, but Bruce kept going back to her. 

“Sure, nothing too heavy since we’re going out tonight, though pizza...” Harleen said as she stood grabbing her keys and purse. “Forget what I said, pizza! Where do you want to meet??” 

“I’m waiting out front,” Bruce said with a laugh as Harleen walked out of her office and turned to lock the door, but before she did, she saw Bruce in a limo with Alfred at the wheel parked along the curb. 

Harleen giggled, locked up, and hurried over to the limo. Bruce popped the door open for her. “Hey Dr. Quinzel! Care to have an early dinner with a handsome billionaire?” 

“Well when I see one, sure!” Harleen giggled as she slipped into the seat next to Bruce who grabbed his chest. 

“Ouch Harley, damn...I am too worth a billion.” He pouted, but Harley only laughed. 

“Several billion, but sometimes you need a kick to the gut to remind you that you’re still just a guy.” She smiled smugly at him and wrinkled her nose. 

Alfred chuckled from the front seat. “Good show Dr. Quinzel.” 

Bruce laughed, shaking his head. 

* 

Frost drove Joker to the one place in Gotham that had Grape Nehi on tap, Killer Croc’s strip bar, Le Marais aus Crocodiles or, as everyone on the street called it, the Swamp. Pulling up the dark street, Frost saw that the club wasn’t too full yet. It was still early for most of the strip club regulars, so there was plenty of parking in the pay-to-park lot. He pulled in, got his ticket at the gate and continued into a parking spot. He could see Croc’s place in front of him. The lights were all pink and blue except for the giant green crocodile that was leaping over the sign. Joker had slumped all the way down in his seat, his feet up on the dash, his arms folded across his chest as he sulked. His friend looked all the more pitiful because he’d pulled his hat and wig off, along with the wig cap, and now his green hair was standing out around his head in a wavy mess. Glancing over, Frost could see his friend was more than sulking--he was depressed, depressed that he hadn’t found his Cinderella. Frowning, Frost realized he was a little worried about Joker. His friend being this focused on anyone other than himself or one of his plots was strange, and it made Frost worry about what Joker would be like if he didn’t find this girl. 

“Come on, let’s go get you a grape nehi and maybe a couple of shots too.” Frost got out, leaning over to look inside the car at Joker. “Come on...remember they have those chili cheese fries you like.” 

“I guess,” Joker admitted. “Croc does have the best fries in Gotham, but only if he’s working…” Joker shoved the door open and crawled out. “If he’s not cooking today I’m going to be even grumpier.” 

“Duly warned,” Frost said as he and Joker walked across the street, with Joker yanking his shirt out of his pants and using the shirt tail to wipe more of the makeup off his face. 

* 

Tony Lanez’s “Freaky” was playing as Frost and Joker walked into the club. There were two women dancing wearing only g-strings and dangerously high heeled shoes while they danced around a couple of poles and each other. The lights inside the club were dominated by red and purple along with all black furniture. There were tables, booths, sectioned off areas for more intimate performances as well as several smaller stages and the large stage that extended out into the middle of the floor. When the evening was in full swing in a few hours there would be strippers or other performers on stage. Croc had a sort of circus freak show theme in his club. Not all his performers were strippers, but he also employed a sword swallower, a knife swallower, one of those guys who liked to nail things to himself or put hooks through his body and hang, he had several contortionists, and a girl who stripped while doing yoyo tricks. 

Frost steered Joker to the bar only to wince when he saw who was manning the bar tonight, the new guy, Yugo, a fat, balding son-of-a-bitch who thought he was hot shit since he used to work at a club owned by one of the Falcone family. He’d made sure everyone knew who he used to work for, though when questioned about why he didn’t work for the Falcones anymore, Yugo always clammed up. The other reason Joker and Frost didn’t like the man was because he’d had it out for Joker from the moment he saw him. The last time they had been into the club, the man had made some muttered comment about not liking clowns or men in make-up. The only reason Joker hadn’t killed Yugo that night was because Croc had asked him not to and Frost wasn’t sure that would work again if the bartender decided to be an asshole...again. 

Frost sat Joker down on one of the stools where the clown planted his elbows on the bar and dropped his head down onto his folded hands with a dramatic sigh. 

Yugo sneered at Joker. “What the fuck is wrong with him?” 

“He just needs a grape nehi and maybe four shots of whiskey on the side,” Frost answered for Joker as he looked around. “Is Croc here?” 

Yugo pointed with his thumb over his shoulder in the general direction of the kitchens. “You’re lucky, he decided he felt like cooking tonight so he’s taking orders.” 

“Great.” Frost patted Joker’s shoulders. “I’ll be right back…” 

A grumbled groan from within his folded arms was Joker’s only response. 

With a small shake of his head, Frost turned, leaving Joker as he headed toward the back where the kitchen was located, smiling and waving as a few of the girls called out to him. 

* 

Joker heard the loud clink of glasses being put down a little too hard against the counter right next to his elbow, followed by the sound of liquid. He looked up slowly to see a bright purple glass of soda (though it was hard to be absolutely sure in the lights) as well as four shots of whiskey being poured by Yugo. 

Without a word Joker reached for the glass of soda, glancing at Yugo. “You didn’t spit in this did you?” 

Yugo snorted as he finished filling the shot. “If I had, I wouldn’t tell you.” 

Joker only snorted in response as he picked up the glass and quickly chugged down the neon purple contents while Yugo went to pour another drink for a different customer. 

Setting the glass down, Joker picked up the first shot and had just taken it, shuddering as the liquid burned going down, when two young women in sparkling bikinis sat down, one on either side of him. 

“Hey Joker…” the blonde said with a seductive smile while the other, a brunette with a flapper style bob, giggled. “Hiya Joker.” 

Looking at one woman then the other, Joker only gave them half-hearted smiles. “Hey Pixie, Barbie, you two doing okay?” 

Pixie, the brunette, reached out and stroked Joker’s face. “What were you doing today with all that make-up on?” She grabbed a napkin off the counter and while making the move seductive, she damped the corner of the napkin with her tongue, gently grabbed Joker’s chin and forced him to look at her as started to wipe some spots of light color makeup that Joker had missed. “You know all us girls like your natural color…” She winked at him before she continued to clean his face. 

The blonde, Barbie, leaned across the counter, squeezing her breasts together in such a way that she looked as if she'd popped out of her bikini top at any moment. “You look upset, anything Pixie and I can do to help with that?” 

Barbie stroked his shoulder while she spoke, though Joker didn’t seem the least bit interested. Still, he didn’t pull away from Pixie as she cleaned off more of his face. “Thanks girls, but no, unless you know a woman named Harleen…” 

“Harleen? That’s an unusual name. Is she a working girl? Or is she one of us, I admit I don’t know all our girls names,” Pixie said, letting Joker’s face go. Now all the makeup was gone, though Pixie thought Joker looked strange without the lipstick he usually wore (she had a real thing for men who wore makeup.) 

Shaking his head dramatically, Joker reached for another shot. “No, no...she’s…” 

He turned around on his stool, looking out at the club, but seeing the image of Batgirl hitting him in the face. He shivered for a moment in pleasure at the memory before he murmured. 

“She is the one…” He downed the shot, turning back around to slam the glass down. “She’s the girl I’m gonna marry.” He sighed softly, dropping his chin into his hand at the same time. 

Pixie and Barbie shared a look over Joker’s head, both looking a bit jealous and confused. 

Joker picked up another shot, swallowing with little reaction as Yugo came back over and began to refill the shots. 

The bartender sneered at Joker. “So what’s your deal Joker? You come in here all the time, the girls go crazy over you, throwing themselves at you…” Pixie and Barbie both gave Yugo dirty looks that he ignored. “I mean, I’ve heard more than one of them offer you free lap dances, free massages, free whatever the fuck you want, but you never take any of them home? And now you’re saying you’re looking for some girl that you’re gonna marry? Really? She must be a real winner if she’d be willing to take you. I mean, I figured maybe you were gay, but I think I know what the real issue is...ou got a dick problem, you can’t get the little solider up can you? That’s why these girls do nothing for you, explains the way you look too. You’re a fucking eunuch, am I right?” Yugo laughed, shaking his head as he started to move away. “Or maybe your right hand’s too jealous to let you have a girl…” 

Yugo let out a choked gargle as he was suddenly grabbed by the top of his head and slammed down face first into the counter with enough force that the wood cracked followed by the shattering sound of glass as the bottle of whiskey he’d been holding hit the floor. He blinked, dazed for a few seconds, his nostrils filling with blood when he felt the cool metal of a gun barrel against his temple. 

“Yugo...I am really not in the mood to listen to your asinine comments and I will not hear you say anything against the girls here or my Harley. And she will be mine, we had a connection...” Joker hissed, smiling only a little, his voice low and soft. “Now...I’m in a really bad mood as I said before. I just wanna have another grape soda, eat some fries, and go home where I can drape dramatically and tragically across my bed and listen to sad records on my record player before I go to bed. So I suggest you don’t move because I’m feeling a little shaky and twitchy right now...” 

“Now Joker…” Yugo’s voice shook a little. 

“Joker!! I got your fries!” Croc, a man well over seven feet tall, built like a brick wall with green, knotted skin and a mouth full of sharp teeth, came walking cheerfully from out of the kitchen, grinning. He held a tray with three orders of freshly made chili-cheese fries. The moment he yelled, Joker jerked in surprise as a sharp retort echoed through the club, followed a split second later by the smell of smoke. Pixie and Barbie squealed in surprise. There was a blast of blood that splattered across the counter, blood splattering Joker’s uniform and Barbie. 

“Uh fuck! Just great!” Joker jumped up when he was splattered with blood, looking down at his clothing in disgust. “Blood is so hard to get out, damn it…” 

Everyone in the club looked over at the sound of a gun, but no one moved, everyone watching Croc. Whatever he would decide dictated what the rest of them did. Frost closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose when he saw what Joker had done...again. 

Croc groaned loudly. “Damn it Joker, will you stop killing my bartenders!” 

“Well, would you stop hiring assholes that piss me off!” Joker sounded indigiant. “Besides I didn’t do it on purpose, you scared me!” 

“I scared you? Real sensitive there Joker,” Croc growled, his already menacing looking face harder in his irritation. 

“Oh stuff it leatherhead, you know what I meant!” Joker crossed his arms, once more in full pout. 

Croc shook his head, took a breath, and chuckled. “Pixie, go get Basil for me will ya? Tell him we got a clean up.” 

Pixie nodded, hopping down from her stool. She took a moment to lay her hand on Joker’s upper thigh. “Don’t worry about it. Yugo was an asshole, always grabbing my ass.” She smiled and winked at Joker before she hurried off. 

“Why don’t you come into the back and I’ll get you something to wear while you eat.” Croc turned and started to walk back through the kitchen. Joker hopped up and followed with Frost taking up the rear, leaving the mess to Croc and his people. The big guy could put it on his tab. 

* 

Joker picked up a huge pinch of chili-cheese fries with his fingers, and slowly lowered the gooey bundle into his mouth. Chewing with a happy grin, Joker turned his attention back to Croc who was going through a small closet filled with clothing. He and Frost were sitting in what looked like an office/bedroom. The walls of the room were painted a dark burgundy, all the furniture was gold and red, and there were mirrors everywhere, including on the ceiling. 

Joker sat on a cherry red sofa in his socks and boxers eating his fries and sitting next to Frost while Croc looked through his collection of clothing for something that would fit Joker. 

“Ah, here we go…” Croc pulled two items out without even asking for Joker’s opinion this time before hurrying over with them. “Here we go…” he repeated as he held up the shirt. It was a red Hawaiian style shirt printed with gold tigers along with blue and gold flowers and a pair of brown cargo shorts. 

“Both are clean and in your size,” Croc said with a smile. “And you will look good in them.” 

Joker wrinkled his nose, examining the clothing before he grinned. “Perfect, if anyone can pull off a Hawaiian shirt it’s moi.” He chuckled before ducking into his fries again. 

Croc laid the clothing out and sat in a chair across from Joker and Frost. “So, you’re hunting for some young woman you ran into named Harleen?” 

Nodding, Joker grinned before taking another bite of chili fries. “Yep, I ran into her in an alley, to be exact.” Joker lied skillfully and with conviction. Frost and Joker had both agreed not to let anyone know that Harleen was actually Batgirl. That was his little secret, no one else got to know Joker had thought happily. 

Frowning, Croc pulled out cigarettes from his back pocket, offering to Joker and Frost. Joker took one while Frost declined. Croc picked up a lighter from the glass coffee table that looked like a small propane torch to light the cigarette for him before he lit his own. 

“So, you are doing this the Terminator way?” Croc asked with a lifted, scaly hairless brow. 

Joker glanced over at Frost with a grin before looking back at Croc, taking a drag on his cigarette before he spoke, releasing the smoke. “I was able to narrow it down; I have four more to find tomorrow.” 

“What if she isn’t one of these either, then whatcha going to do?” Croc took a drag on his own cigarette, leaning back as he did. He didn’t see Joker’s stricken face as he continued. “You know J, I got a lot of girls here who, for whatever reason, are crazy to get in your pants. Why waste your time on some dream girl you’ve just seen once when you could have a willing, living girl right now?” 

“You don’t understand…” Joker shook his head standing up. He put his cigarette down in the ashtray on the table and started to dress. “There was this chemistry between us. It was something magical, maniacal, and animal--primal.” He grinned as he pulled the zipper up on his shorts. “All I know is she is the one.” Joker picked up the shirt and started to slide his arms into it as Croc shook his head. 

“Okay man, but when you fail tomorrow, don’t come in here and shoot my new bartender, please.” 

Joker frowned at Croc then glanced at Frost.”Why do you two keep trying to get me to promise not to kill people? You know I can’t promise that...geez. And I will find her, you’ll see.” Joker buttoned his shirt, his voice soft. “I will…” He finished dressing and sighed. “Well, we should get going, the fries were great as always.” 

“Anything to try and get some meat on your bones,” Croc muttered. He sat up and looked at Joker seriously. “Man, just...be ready to be disappointed. Sometimes dreams girls should just stay dreams.” 

“I swear, you and Frost are just about destroying my hopes and dreams. Remind me why we’re friends?” Joker groused. 

“Because I’m the only one who can put up with you…” Frost said while Croc added. “And I’m immune to your tricks and I think you’re funny.” 

“Oh right, you’re still Debbie Downers though,” Joker added then asked, “Hey, do you have some really cheap old alcohol, preferably in glass bottles, that I can have?” Joker asked with a small grin. 

Croc looked startled, then shrugged. “Sure do…” 

Frost frowned and narrowed his eyes. “J, what are you...” 

“Good…” Joker smiled, winking at Frost. “It’ll be fun, don’t worry…” 

Frost blinked. He hated it when Joker said those words, ‘don’t worry.’ 

* 

After gathering nearly two dozen bottles of alcohol from Croc, Joker had Frost take him to a convenience store where Joker took all their eggs and toilet paper (holding the store up instead of paying, of course, but then Joker didn’t even bother with taking the cash from the register, instead he just took the eggs, toilet paper, a box of cigarettes, all the cans of spray paint he found, some beef jerky, and some horrible pink sparkling heart-shaped sunglasses that he was now wearing instead of the mirrored aviators. He was wearing sunglasses at night, but Frost didn’t bother to ask him why.) 

Right now they were simply driving through Gotham and Joker was erratically throwing things out the windows: eggs (usually at people); toilet paper (just randomly out the window though they had stopped a few times to string it through some trees and some park benches); and molotovs (at expensive cars.) Frost was thankful that Joker was focusing the majority of the molotovs on the fancy sports cars and had only once thrown one on the sidewalk when a bunch of skaters had cut in front of them, forcing Frost to slam on the brakes. As Frost had pulled quickly away with Joker laughing, he’d see one of the young men was on fire and his friends were making him roll around. 

So far Joker had said little, but since Frost was just driving Joker around, letting him be destructive, he figured his friend felt depressed. 

Frost sucked on his bottom lip. He had no idea what to do except find this girl, someway, somehow. He wasn’t even certain that a new criminal undertaking would distract Joker from looking for the woman who was filling the pale man’s thoughts. For better or worse, he knew they had to find this Harleen. 

* 

Harley yawned, stretching her arm over her head, and leaned back as far as she could--which was pretty far. She stayed that way for a few seconds before switching arms, stretching the left one over her head and leaning back again. She was standing on the very edge of a building, dressed as Batgirl and waiting on Bruce who was talking to Alfred. 

She twisted her body and leaned forward to touch her toes, looking down into the alley below. “I ate too much pizza tonight,” she muttered to herself. Thank goodness her mic was off, Alfred would lecture her about eating well and how much energy she burned on nights like these, all of which she knew, but still, Harley knew she’d eaten too much tonight. 

She could hear the conversation (it wasn’t private) through her connected comlink with them both, though she wasn’t part of the conversation exactly. Besides, Bruce was just going over police reports with Alfred to decide which section of the city they should be concentrating on, but from the sound of it, it was going to be a slow night. That was fine by her since she was having trouble focusing still. 

Batman finished his conversation and walked over to Harley where she had lifted one of her legs and was holding it straight up against her side. 

“You know doing stretches like that on the very edge is dangerous.” His tone sounded light, humorous as he watched her. 

“Ah, but some people are not as well trained as I am.” She grinned at him. He couldn’t see her mouth, but he could see the smile in her eyes. “So what's the deal tonight?” 

“Well, there isn’t much going on, nothing big thankfully. So I thought maybe tonight we could split up,” Batman said, turning to look out on the city. “We check in every hour, but if you or I find something we can’t handle, then we call the other. Got it?” Batman turned to look at her. 

Harley saluted. “Yes Batman sir.” 

Batman shook his head. “Haha, funny. So, which section would you like tonight? Ladies' choice.” 

“Oooh, ladies choice eh? Mm...then I pick...” She looked out at Gotham. “...the Lower East Side,” she pronounced. “That way I can stop at the zoo and check on those baby hyenas that were just born.” 

“Oh I see, ulterior motives.” Batman chuckled. “Okay sounds good, I’m going to head over to Coventry, remember there was that trouble with those car thieves we didn't find...it’s been a few weeks, see if they poke their heads out. Check in later.” 

“Be careful,” Harley said as he prepared to jump from the building. 

“You too.” He smiled at her though his smile was all that was visible, his eyes hidden by his mask’s night vision lenses before he jumped. Harley watched him, her heart beating quickly as she waited to hear the snap of his cape. He always waited until Harley was ready to have a heart attack before she finally heard the snap of the cape. 

“I swear, he does that on purpose…” Harley muttered, turning to go the other way. 

* 

It was an hour before Harley saw the first fire. 

Before she saw it, she had just been touring the area. She’d run off a couple of kids trying to buy drugs, and strung the drug dealer up from a lamp post. She retrieved a kitten out of a tree, and she had found a toddler who had gotten out of the home's doggie door. 

She’d been spending most of her time below, so after an hour Harley had pulled herself up, using her grappling gun to zip to the top of the tallest building, where she could breathe in some fresh air and look out over Gotham. 

Moving to the top of a building gave her a better view, and that was when she saw it, a few blocks away there was a fire, though she didn’t hear any fire engines. Just as she noticed that one, she saw another fire. As she looked out Harley counted at least ten fires, nothing huge, but definitely not normal. 

Her lips pursed, Harley decided to investigate. 

After going back and forth between fires, talking to witnesses, talking to the fire department (when they finally arrived), and doing some more swinging back and forth, learning about random eggings and toilet paper being thrown at people, sometimes (especially if they were on a bike or scooter of any king) an entire roll of toilet paper would come flying out of a car window. Sometimes toilet paper ended up in trees or around cars too. The eggs had targeted people, cars, houses--nothing was safe. 

It was there that she started to believe that whoever was perpetrating the non-dangerous pranks, had to be the same people throwing the molotovs. The pattern was twisting and chaotic, but it was there and Harley figured that the trail ran right into the parking lot of the Gotham Art Museum. 

Crouched in a tree less than a half mile from the museum, Batgirl thought for a moment about calling Batman, but decided against it. If she couldn’t handle some asshole, maybe dangerous prankster, then she didn’t deserve to wear the suit. 

Smiling, Harley leapt silently to the next tree. 

* 

Joker sulked in his seat, his feet up on the dash again, his arms wrapped around his knees while staring out the windshield. He had run out of just about everything, no more eggs to throw, only one roll of toilet paper remaining, and he’d tossed his last molotov into an open, red convertible Audi R8. That had made him smile for a little bit, but now he was back to sulking. 

“So, what did you want to do with the spray paint?” Frost asked in an attempt to pull Joker out of his funk. 

“I don’t know, I thought I might do some painting…you know how art relaxes me...Hey!” Joker sat up and pointed. “That’s the art museum isn’t it?” 

“Yeah…” Frost said more slowly, glancing over at Joker whose mood had suddenly improved. 

“You know what Frost, I think I want to take in some culture!” Joker grinned, his mischievous happiness returning. 

* 

Batgirl looked around with a keen eyed gaze. The park, as usual for this time of night, was dark. She’d seen a few homeless, maybe a someone smoking some pot, some young people making out on a park bench (clearly asking for trouble), and some prostitutes who she left alone, but that was about it. So far there had been nothing unusual...no more molotovs, no more eggings or toilet paper, but the erratic trail she had followed seemed to have shown that they had turned into the museum parking lot, though she could be wrong...it wasn’t as if that many people were out here at the park and the museum was closed, so no expensive cars to burn... 

She looked around a bit, keeping to the trees, but she saw no sign of the dangerous prankster. Nothing. 

She saw a couple of cars in the parking area. One was a little distance away from the others (that looked like someone might be sitting in the front seat, but it was hard to tell and there was no law again that, so she moved on, thinking she would investigate later if need be), but there were lights on in the basement of the art museum. So a few people were probably working late, though she might slip in and see if there was anyone inside and determine if those people were supposed to be there. 

Grappling gun in hand, she made her way to the roof of the museum. Harley was just ready to drop in through a skylight when she heard the distinct sound of someone singing. Moving careful, following the sound, Batgirl looked out over the roof and into the museum’s outside sculpture garden. 

That’s when she saw him, pale as moonlight, his green hair a complete mess of riotous curls, wearing a red Hawaiian shirt and cargo shorts, but there he was, the man she had been thinking about all day, the Joker. He was currently spray painting the alabaster face of some Grecian goddess. He’d climbed up the huge statue and was sitting in her arms, decorating the statue’s face to resemble a clown with three cans of spray paint while he sang to himself. 

“Venus if you will 

Please send a little girl for me to thrill. 

A girl who wants my kisses and my arms 

A girl with all the charms of you. 

Venus, make her fair 

A lovely girl with sunlight in her hair. 

And take the brightest stars up in the skies 

And place them in her eyes for me…” 

* 

The man had a singing voice that seemed to caress every nerve ending in her body. Biting her upper lip, Batgirl looked over the garden. She could see five other statues--one of which was wrapped in toilet paper--that had already received the man’s special make-up upgrades. He had taken the liberty, if the statue was nude, to spray paint clothing for it. As she gazed at the destruction and vandalization of the artwork, she couldn’t help the chuckle that bubbled up. 

It was a little funny, especially the way he had vandalized them, he’d given one statue spray painted pasties. 

Shaking her head and suppressing her smile, Batgirl jumped, at the last second whipping out her grappling gun and silently moving until she was in the perfect position to drop down on the pale criminal. 

* 

Joker continued to sing softly to himself while he painted the statue's lips a bright red. 

“Venus, goddess of love that you are, 

Surely the things i ask 

Can't be too great a task. 

Venus, if you do 

I promise that i always will be true. 

I'll give her all the love i have to give 

As long as we both shall live….” 

* 

“So, this girl you're singing about--is she the statue?” 

Joker went still, his eyes widening with hope and pleasure as he slowly turned around in the statue's arms to see Batgirl, in all her glory, standing at the foot of the statue looking up at him. Her blue eyes sparkled and he could see the hint of a smile behind her mask. 

“You want to come down from there?” she asked softly. “Or do you want me to come get you?” 

Joker squealed with joy. “Come get me!!” 

Before Harley could properly respond, Joker threw himself off the statue sending it crashing to the gravel ground that marked the sculpture garden’s path, and toward her, his arms out, his expression one of pure joy.


	4. The Argeement

Batgirl let out a startled yelp as the clown threw himself off the statue and toward her, his arms and legs out wide like a crazed sugar glider. 

She managed to grab him, barely. 

When their bodies hit, the thin, wiry man wrapped his arms and legs around her like a koala bear on a bamboo tree, making her stumble backwards with the sudden weight, her face pressed against his chest. Wrapping her arms around him in surprise, Batgirl stumbled, her feet tripping over each other until the back of her thighs hit some of the bushes that made up the museum’s sculpture garden, and she toppled backwards with a surprisingly quiet squeak, the clown still wrapped around her and giggling like a schoolboy. 

She smacked her head against the ground, hard enough that she felt dazed for just a split second. The man on top of her pushed himself up to straddle her with a bright red grin; his blue eyes were both manic and joyful. “You caught me! Can I just tell you how attractive I find a woman who can catch me? I do like a strong lady. It’s a weakness I suppose, that I want some gorgeous blonde to dominate me...” He smirked and reached up to run his fingers through his green hair that had flopped forward. Harleen bit her bottom lip, glad that her mask hid the lower half of her face because there was just something incredibly sexy about the way this man ran his fingers through his hair, the play of muscles in his forearms, which were lean and sexy in a way she had never noticed on any other man except maybe Bruce. But while Bruce was large with hard muscles, this man looked lean and slick. Everything about the man screamed sex at her. She licked her lips as if she was a starving woman who had just been given a juicy steak. 

She was about to push him off of her (having him sitting on her felt exciting in a way that she didn’t want to think about) when he dropped down on top of her, (forcing Harley to suck in a silent breath as heat pulsed through her entire body.) Resting his elbows on either side of her head, Joker laid his cheek against one fist. His chest was pressed lightly against her breasts, making her nipples hard despite the titanium-dipped fiber and kevlar that made up her suit. 

His eyes danced in the outside museum lights. They were such an incredible shade of blue she fought against biting her bottom lip again. 

“You have dreamy blue eyes--has anyone told you that?” Joker cooed softly and fluttered his eyes at her. “I could get lost in those eyes of yours…” 

“What are you doing?!” Harley hissed and twisted her body, grabbing Joker by the shoulders at the same time and twisted. They rolled together in the grass until they finally came to a stop, Harley on top of him, one arm pulled back, her fingers rolled into a fist. She tightened her thighs, holding him in place, but she blinked in surprise when she felt something against her backside...Harley felt her cheeks begin to burn. Once more, she was thankful for her mask. 

Joker giggled smiling up at her, his hands resting on her thighs. Instead of trying to shove her off, he instead looked overjoyed by his current position as his fingers lightly stroked her thighs. 

She should stop him from doing that, she told herself while she did nothing to stop him. 

“Are you going to hit me? I have to tell you sweets, I don’t mind if you hit me. You can hit me all you want.” He wiggled under her. “I think I might be a bit of a masochist where you’re concerned.” HIs voice dropped to a seductive whisper. “Hit me, please…” 

Harley snarled. “Who are you and what the hell is wrong with you?” 

“I told you, you can call me Joker, or yours. That’s perfectly acceptable too.” He giggled and said with a wide grin, “Because I have to tell you, all I’ve been able to think about is you.” He waggled his green eyebrows at her. God he looked sexy Harley thought, her gaze raking over him. She could feel the heat of his body under her and she saw a drop of sweat rolling down his throat that her eyes followed despite her best efforts. 

“You know I’ve been told there are all sorts of things wrong with me, but right now I think the main thing wrong is that you’ve stolen my heart Batgirl. Wait--isn’t it Harleen? Or should I call you Harley? I want to call you Harley. I could imagine myself calling out that name with a groan of pleasure.” He sighed in pleasure, his blue eyes going dreamy, his body relaxing under her though she could swear she felt his groin twitch under her. 

Looking confused at the man's reaction, Harley wasn’t ready when Joker brought his legs up and flipped her over his head. Harley landed on her back with a gasp. Laying there breathing heavily, not sure what she should do, Joker appeared over her to look at her upside down. 

“So, are you seeing anyone? Please say you aren’t, I don’t think my heart could take it.” Joker grinned and wrinkled his nose at her, looking adorable she thought with a frown. 

“Damn it,” Harley hissed between her teeth and surprised Joker as she brought her legs up, wrapped her feet around his throat. His eyes brightened as he grabbed her ankles. “Oh, this is a fun position...ACK!!” She flipped him to the side, both of them rolling as she snarled. “I’m not dating anyone!” Why had she revealed that? 

“Goodie!!” Joker yelped with clear happiness as he hit the ground. The moment he slammed down, he kicked out, catching Harley just as she started to get to her feet. She stumbled. Joker reached up, grabbed her arm, and yanked her back. She landed on him, her back against his chest, knocking the breath out of him when she fell on him, but he didn’t care. Wrapping his arms around her, pinning her arms around her side, Joker held her against him and breathlessly whispered, his red lips against her ear, sending shivers over her skin. “Wanna go out with me? Please say yes.” 

Instead of answering, Harley threw her weight to the side. For a few seconds the two of them were tangled as Harley tried to break free, their bodies rolling across the grass, Joker holding tight to her while Harley struggled to break free of his surprisingly strong grip until they hit the pedestal of one of the garden’s many statues, rattling them both. 

Harley elbowed Joker in the side, causing him to grunt in pain, but the move allowed her to break free when his grip loosened, and jumped to her feet. 

Joker giggled from his prone position on the grass looking up at her. “God, you are the most incredible woman I’ve ever met!!” He put his hands behind his head and flipped himself to his feet gracefully impressing her. He was strong, limber, attractive, he had great legs...why did she like men with slender legs? 

But he was a criminal, Harley reminded herself...a bad guy. A handsome bad guy with a great smile, sexy arms, legs...throat...eyes...hair...his strange coloring just enhanced how attractive she found him and she found something sexy about a man in lipstick. 

“There’s this club in Gotham called Bullets & Bliss, it's in the Bowery area...no one cares who you are…” Joker grinned, his voice seductive, making shivers dance up Harley’s spine as they circled each other. “Drinks, music, dancing...even some decent food on occasion...no will care who we are. I love dancing, did you know that? I think I’m quite a decent dancer, if I do say so myself.” As if to demonstrate the point, Joker did a few quick steps of a shuffle even going up on his toes. It was that much more impressive because he was on grass and not a smooth, flat surface. Damn he was good Harley thought with a frown while he continued to talk. “We could dance, this time without the hitting, maybe some slow dancing?” He grinned at her, his eyes twinkling. “Real close...whatcha say sweets? Go on a date with me.” Joker pressed his teeth into his bottom lip and gazed at her in a way Harley had never seen any man gaze at her before--hopeful, pleading, hungry. 

She had no idea what to do. Her body screamed at her to say yes, but her mind was whispering at her, “Bruce wouldn’t approve. This man’s a killer...a criminal...you are a vigilante, you’re supposed to be protecting the city from men like him, not dating them, not wanting to jump them and fuck them into the grass. You know nothing about him, but he has a great smile, nice hair, and a he’s the hottest man you’ve ever seen. What’s the harm in one date?” Harley took a surprised breath. Even her mind was rebelling against her! 

Instead of answering him, she lashed out with a fist and a snarl of frustration. Joker’s hand snapped out and grabbed her wrist, catching her before her fist could connect with his jaw. He spun her around, yanked her into his arms, and pulled her up against his chest, his arm holding her wrist down around her waist, his other arm around her throat. He didn’t hold her in a painful grip, just held her. 

Laying his cheek against hers, Joker sighed pouting just a little. “Come on sweets, whatcha got to lose?” He took a deep breath through his nose and added in a whisper she barely could hear. “You do smell so good…” 

“Everything. I could lose everything,” she snarled and elbowed him hard in the ribs, not commenting on the fact that he smelled delicious, good enough that the thought of running her tongue along his skin seemed like a really good idea. 

Joker let her go with a cough. “Ow, that smarted!” he said as she spun away from her, rubbing his ribs. He looked up at her pouting. “Don’t tell me you are seeing Batboy?” He looked on the verge of tears as if he would truly be heartbroken. 

“No, we’re just friends!” Harley snapped as she and Joker moved slowly around each other. 

“Really?! That’s fantastic!! Then he won’t mind if I take you out!” Joker laughed, but Harley hissed. “He will too mind! You’re a criminal!” 

“So? Is he an asshole? He looks like an asshole to me, a judgmental asshole. I bet he farts righteousness, am I right?'' Joker asked, his expression serious, which made Harley want to laugh. “No...he’s not an asshole. He protects Gotham City.” 

Joker snickered, his eyes bright. “Oh, you hesitated there. He is an asshole…” 

“Sometimes,” Harley said softly then blinked in surprise that she said that. 

“Ahh...see! I was right!!” Joker announced loudly. 

Harley groaned and moved at him, doing a series of quick spinning hook kicks, but Joker danced away from her, dodging and ducking, but on one hook kick Harley turned a few degrees too far and Joker jumped at the chance, grabbing her by her arm again. He spun her around and yanked her against him, her arm pinned behind her back, his other hand pressed against her stomach, his fingers spread, his lips by her ear. 

“We could have a lot of fun,” he purred, his lips brushing against her ear, sending jolts of heat through her until Harley wanted to squirm. “Come on Batgirl...have a little fun.” He purred in a pleasantly low tone, seductive, while the tip of his tongue just barely brushed against her ear. 

Harley pressed her lips together, closing her eyes for a moment as attraction made her nipples sensitive and her groin ache. 

Joker reached up, his fingertips just started to caress the edge of where her mask pressed against her cheek. “Come on Harley, come play with me…” he cooed, causing goosebumps to race across her skin. 

She snagged his hand by the wrist with her free hand and spun, breaking his hold on her. She kicked his knee from the side, knocking Joker to his knees. A quick step and the arm she had a hold of was stretched back painfully behind him. 

“That’s enough,” she hissed. “One more word out of you and I’ll dislocate your arm.” 

Joker giggled even as he winced in pain. “Ouch...god you are gorgeous!! Anyone ever tell you how gorgeous you are?” He didn’t twist around to look at her, no matter how much he wanted to because he knew she would yank his shoulder out of the socket. 

Harley swallowed as she glared at the back of his head when she let go of his arm and kicked him in the middle of his shoulders. “Get out of here,” she snarled at him in frustration. 

Joker fell forward, his face planted in the grass, but he rolled to his feet smiling. 

“You’re letting me go?” he asked with a bright grin, brushing grass off his knees. 

“Yes. Now go before I change my mind.” Harley crossed her arms over her chest in frustration. 

Joker rubbed more grass off his cheek while grinning. “I’ll make a deal with you Batgirl…” He rocked on his feet, shoving his hands into the pockets of his shorts. “I was looking for you today, looking through the Harleens that live in Gotham. If I find you tomorrow, you have to go out with me tomorrow night.” 

“I am not making deals with criminals,” Harley muttered, though to her own ears, her words held little convincition. 

“Oh come on! Don’t you know how to have fun? I mean, I thought you did…” He gestured at her outfit. “Seriously, I’ll be a perfect gentleman, I swear...Cross my heart and hope to die.” Joker smiled wider. “Come on, you could wear a pretty dress, show me the rest of your pretty face, and I can wear something hot that makes you want to rip my clothes off.” He grinned a little wider still, waggling his eyebrows at her. “We can have some drinks, a little dancing...” He moved his hips sensually back and forth. Harley had to admit, the man could move. “You don't have a good time, you can punch me in the face, but if you have a good time maybe we could do it again? Just you and me, no bad guys, no good guys, just dancing...” His voice dropped into a seductive purr that Harley could feel like a caress over her skin while his gaze made her feel things, sexual things... 

She licked her lips behind her mask, telling herself this was stupid, but even as she told herself that, she still heard herself saying. “All right, if you find me tomorrow, I’ll go out with you tomorrow night. You have until six p.m. You don’t find me by then, then next time I’m leaving you for the cops.” 

Joker squealed and clapped his hands while dancing around a circle. “YES!! You will not be disappointed!! I swear!!” Joker turned and climbed over some of the bushes before he started to run off, yelling over his shoulder at her. “I promise you are going to have such a good time with me you’ll never want to leave my side!!” He turned and waved at her, jumping over some more bushes, nearly tripped. He laughed and whooped, waving enthusiastically at her before he disappeared. 

Harley shook her head. “I’m an idiot,” she muttered before she pulled her grappling hook out and disappeared without cleaning up the mess Joker had left behind in the garden. 

* 

Joker burst into the car, yanking open the back door and diving in, scaring Frost who had been playing a game on his phone while keeping an eye out for the cops. He yelped and dropped his phone while he grabbed the keys that hung in the ignition and started the car. 

“FROST!!!” Joker nearly screamed as he slammed the car door shut. “She found me!!” 

“What??” Frost looked around in a panic as he pulled the car quickly out of the place where he’d been parked, hiding under the shadow of some trees. “Where is she?” 

“Oh, she let me go, but she agreed to go out with me!!” Joker leaned into the front seat, all smiles. “We had a great fight. God Frost.” Joker sighed dreamily. “She’s perfect! Just perfect...” 

Frost, who had hit the gas hard when he pulled away slowed the vehicle down and gave Joker a narrow side-eye look. “What are you talking about? Are we being pursued or not?” 

“Oh no, we’re not. Like I said, she let me go.” Joker waved at hand at Frost, dismissing the idea that they were being followed while he sighed as if he’d walked straight out of a melodrama and laid his cheek against Frost’s shoulder. “She almost yanked my arm out of the socket...it was so romantic Frost. You should have seen her, the way she moves…” His voice became dreamy as he spoke. “She is so vicious…” He shivered with pleasure. 

“I have seen her J, I know how she moves.” He shook his head. “She uh, she let you go, huh?” Frost was confused as he turned and headed down a random street. Joker may have said they weren’t being followed by Batgirl, but that didn’t mean they weren’t being followed and he’d be damned if he led Batgirl or Batman back to their apartment. 

“Yep, I asked her to go dancing with me at Bullets & Bliss tonight. She said yes!” He sighed dramatically again rubbing his cheek against Frost’s shoulder like an affectionate cat before he sat up straight again with a gasp. “I need a new suit!” 

Frost turned down another street looking over at Joker again. “Are you sure she said yes and you didn’t just imagine it? And you don’t need a new suit J, you’ve got plenty of nice suits.” Frost shook his head taking another turn while glancing up at the rooftops for signs of black clad vigilantes. 

Joker gasped, looking insulted. “Like I would make that up! AND, I’ll have you know, you can never have too many new suits.” 

“I didn’t say you made it up, I ask if you imagined it,” Frost said patiently as he looked in the rearview mirror. He didn’t see anyone, but that didn’t mean anything. 

“I didn’t make it up.” Joker pouted and dropped into the back seat to cross his arms over his chest, as well as crossing his legs. “She said if I could find her by six p.m. she’d go out with me.” 

“Find her?” Frost asked, glancing in the rearview with a lifted brow. 

“Yeah, I told her how I’d been looking for her today…” Joker frowned slightly studying one of his fingernails in the dark. 

“Fuck J! Did you tell her you killed one of them?” Frost asked, trying to keep his voice calm, but failing. 

“No…” Joker said sullenly. “It’s fine, no one saw me...well...no one who cared anyway.” 

Frost groaned and shook his head. “You are going to get us thrown into prison, you know that right?” 

“No I’m not...Arkham maybe, but not prison.” Joker chuckled, settling back into a more comfortable position before he asked. “Can we stop and get some burgers? I'm starving…” 

“Fine, as long as you promise to eat them,” Frost muttered as he drove them in a meandering course home. 

* 

Harleen stood in front of her closet, wearing only her bra, garter belt, and panties, staring at her closet. She wondered what she would wear to a nightclub, then just as swiftly berated herself for even contemplating going on a date with a--presumably--murderous clown. Last night her dreams had been plagued with images of Joker, sitting on top of her, naked... 

Swallowing hard, Harleen rubbed the back of her neck and her shoulders, thinking about the dream image, his white, porcelain skin, her hands running over his chest and down his stomach, his green hair brushed back from his face as she laid him down, the way he smiled, reaching for her… 

Her phone rang, startled her, the dream images of the clown shattering. 

“Damn it.” Shaking her head, she hurried over to where she had left her phone on her bedside table and saw that it was Bruce. 

“Hey…” she said with a smile. “What’s up?” 

“Oh, just calling to say good morning.” She could tell Bruce was distracted. “And to let you know we might not patrol tonight.” 

“Oh, what’s up?” Her heart started beating quickly because that would mean her evening was freed up. 

“Silver St. Cloud is in town and wants to have dinner tonight with the both of us.” She could hear Bruce shuffling papers. “She just got in this morning and gave me a call.” 

“Oh man, when was the last time Silver was in town?” Harleen walked back to her closet. She didn’t know why she was getting excited about not patrolling tonight. Not only did a date with that clown hinge on whether he could find her, but he was a bad guy! Why did she have to keep reminding herself?? Idiot she called herself mentally as she pulled out a black pencil skirt and a blue blouse. 

To keep her mind off the Joker, Harleen focused on her conversation with Bruce. Silver St. Cloud was a childhood friend--mostly a friend of Bruce’s, though the three of them had hung out whenever Silver was in Gotham. Bruce spent more time with her because he would see her when his family would go on vacation to someplace exotic like Rio or something. Harleen liked Silver; she was nice, definitely better than Selina, and she’d always thought Bruce and Silver should get together. 

Harleen stopped, her back going straight as an idea came to her. “Ah, you know, why don’t you just go…” 

“What? She invited both of us,” Bruce started, but Harleen grinned shaking her head even though Bruce couldn’t see her. 

“How long is she going to be in Gotham?” She held the phone between her shoulder and ear while she pulled her skirt on. 

“She’ll be here for the next two weeks,” Bruce began, but Harleen cut him off. 

“Well see, there’s plenty of time for me to see her, maybe this weekend?” 

“I suppose, but...” Bruce started, but Harleen cut him off again while she pulled her blouse on. 

“Bruce, come on, it’ll be nice for you to get out and you know Silver has always liked you. And after the way Selina’s been…” 

“I guess, but what will you do?” Bruce asked. She could almost see the frown on his face, but the fact that he wasn’t arguing with her meant the idea appealed to him. Good. 

“I can do a little patrolling and if the night’s quiet, I’ll go to bed early.” Harleen walked over to her vanity, frowning at her reflection as she buttoned up her blouse. She was lying to her best friend. “An early night would do wonders for me.” 

“Well...I suppose,” Bruce said softly. “Is work bad?” 

“Oh no, just you know, sometimes working with people and their problems is draining.” Harleen pressed her lips together. She hated herself for lying, but… 

“Bruce. Go, have fun. We’ll all go out to dinner this weekend okay? Gotham will be fine for one night...It’ll have me to look after it.” A small smile curled her lips as she walked over to her chest of drawers to pull out her stockings. 

“I guess, but you promise to contact me if there is any trouble you can’t handle, all right?” Bruce sounded stern and serious. “I don’t want anything happening to my best girl,” he added affectionately. 

Harleen smiled, touched as always by his concern. “I promise. Tell Silver hi for me and that I’ll see her this weekend.” 

“All right. Call me before you head out on patrol though, okay?” Bruce said. 

“I promise, cross my heart and hope to die,” Harleen said with a giggle only to hear Bruce moan. “I hate that saying...talk to you later.” 

“Bye bye Brucie!” Harleen laughed as she heard him groan. 

* 

When Harleen arrived at work, Doris was already in the office. The smell of fresh brewed coffee met her the moment she opened the office door. Doris made a great cup of coffee, Harleen thought with a grin. 

“Morning Doris!” Harleen called out as she walked in. “I stopped and grabbed us donuts!” 

Doris looked up from her phone, where she sat at her desk. “Morning doctor--donuts? Not all of us have figures as great as yours Dr. Quinzel.” Doris grinned at her as Harleen walked over and set the small box of pastries down, opening up the lid. 

Doris groaned and muttere as she reached in for one. “You are an evil woman.” 

Laughing, Harleen grabbed one for herself before walking into her office to toss her purse onto her desk. “Stop, you look great and I’m sure your husband has no complaints.” 

Doris smirked. “He certainly didn’t last night…” 

Harleen laughed around the donut in her mouth, hurrying into the kitchen to make herself a cup of coffee. She came back out, half the donut in her mouth gone. “It's promising to be a hot one again.” Harleen sighed as she leaned her hip on Doris’s desk. “Thank god for air conditioning. I really wish fall would start soon.” 

“Global warming,” Doris muttered with a shake of her head then grinned. “Hey, did you see the morning news?” 

Harleen finished off her pastry. “No why?” 

“Some lady was killed, had the same name as you.” Doris picked her phone up and handed it to Harleen. She looked at the phone where Doris had the Gotham Gazette front page up. Harleen saw an article in the corner about a woman who’d been shot. As she quickly skimmed the article, she saw that a woman named Harleen had been shot in her front yard yesterday. 

Harleen felt her blood go cold. 

Joker had said he’d been looking for her, going through all the Harleens… 

Could he have shot that woman? Or was it just a coincidence? 

“You okay?” Doris asked as Harleen handed her back her phone. “I didn’t mean to scare you or anything. I just thought it was strange. I mean, Harleen isn’t a common name. Actually, you are the only Harleen I’ve ever met. I was surprised to see that there was someone else named Harleen, even in a city as big as Gotham.” She set her phone down as Harleen stared off into the distance. “Dr. Quinzel?” 

“Oh...ah...sorry.” Harleen smiled standing up. “Guess I should go get ready…” 

Doris nodded and watched her boss go into her office with a frown then, shook her head biting into her donut. 

* 

Joker was beginning to lose hope. 

Not only had he gotten up early again, which was in and of itself horrible, put on all that makeup, got a new less beaten up looking box to start his search, but so far he’d come up empty handed. He only had two more Harleens to go, but he had been sure he’d find her first thing this afternoon. He had felt sure that because of their connection, he’d be guided right to her, but no such luck. The first Harleen had been ancient (though she had offered him chocolate chip cookies which had been delicious. He had even come in and sat with her, talking about nothing important, letting her talk about her grandkids, show him pictures and such. It was nice. He’d come back to the car with a plate of cookies wrapped in tinfoil from old Harleen and the promise he’d come back, which he would.) And the other Harleen had been...disgusting, there was no other word to describe her. When she’d opened her apartment door, there had been the unmistakable smell of meth, a combination of rotten eggs and a burning plastic smell. The woman had that too-skinny look (which made Joker think of the woman he’d killed accusing him of being a drug addict) and her skin was splotchy and afflicted with acne. Her teeth were yellow and she looked like she hadn’t bathed in forever, her hair was greasy and she smelled of heavy B.O. She’d hit on him, flashing her breasts at him, and tried to get him to come into her apartment, promising to suck his dick. 

He shuddered, feeling a little nauseous just thinking about the encounter. He’d wanted to kill her, but after Frost had seen the report about the woman he had killed yesterday, Frost had made him swear not to kill any Harleens today. He didn’t want the cops to make a connection between the womens’ names. He supposed Frost was right; Harleen was an unusual name and he wouldn’t get his date if he ended up in police custody. And it might be harder to convince Batgirl to keep a date with him if she put together he had been offing people so recently. 

Joker slumped in the back seat, looking dejected as Frost pulled away from the apartment building. 

“You okay J?” Frost looked in the rearview at his friend as he took a bite of a cookie and drove. 

“Yeah, just...what if I don’t find her?” Joker pouted, his arms crossed over his chest, smearing some of the makeup on his arms. “I don’t know what I’m going to do if I don’t find her.” He muttered loud enough that Frost could hear his complaining. “Should have shot the last one...I’d feel better if I’d shot her.” He gave Frost a disgruntled look. 

“Well…” Frost cringed. This was going to be bad if Joker didn’t find her. “Hey, we have two more to go, don’t worry. Isn’t the next one the doctor?” He reached over; the plate was on the passenger seat so that Joker wouldn’t accidently knock them onto the floor every time he flung himself and his empty box into the back seat. Frost grabbed a cookie and handed it back to Joker. Taking the chocolate chip cookie, Joker nodded, though he didn’t look convinced. “Yeah...Dr. Harleen Quinzel.” He frowned, biting his bottom lip and whispered. “I hope it's her, I love that name.” A small smile formed on his lips while he took a bite of the cookie. “Harleen Quinzel, you rework it a little...Harley Quinzel. Hmm, Harley Quinn.” He giggled. “Like Harlequin...I like that.” He sighed, sinking into the back seat a bit more and taking another bite of cookie. 

“Well don’t worry J, how about after this one I go get you a milkshake at that place that uses real whipped cream and cherries?” Frost asked with a smile. 

Joker brightened a little. “That would be great…” 

Frost smiled, turning his attention back to the road. He wasn’t sure what he was hoping for, that J would find this woman or not. 

* 

Harleen yawned as she looked over her notes on one of her patients, or she at least tried to. Her eyes kept wandering over to her phone where she had just checked the time for the hundredth time in the last half hour, not even counting how many times she’d checked it throughout the day. Right now, she having trouble focusing between checking the time and daydreaming about his lips, that smooth skin just at the hollow of his throat... 

Growling to herself, Harleen tried to focus again on her paperwork. It was ten minutes until six and he wasn’t showing up. 

She had let Doris leave for the day after her husband had called her with surprise dinner plans around five p.m. She let her go early so Doris could go home and change. Besides, Harleen wanted some time alone. Her last patient had canceled and she had an hour before she would head home, eat, and go out on patrol. Disappointment rushed through her while simultaneously Harleen scolded herself for wanting to see Joker. She kept having to remind herself that he was a bad guy, a villain, an up and coming criminal who...well...did criminal things! He was not just some random hot guy that she wanted to jump in bed with. 

Harleen’s eyes widened in surprise. Did she want to sleep with him? Did she want to lose her virginity to a wannabe clown gangster?? 

“Ugh.” Harleen dropped her pin and rubbed the bridge of her nose, causing her glasses to go crooked on her face. This was all so ridiculous, she thought to herself, probably from not sleeping eight hours straight every night. Mild sleep deprivation was making her have odd thoughts. She was just thinking about going ahead and closing the office when she heard the door chime softly. 

Frowning, she stood up and walked to her office door. 

“I'm sorry, but we’re closed.” Harleen stopped in her tracks, frowning at the man in her office. He was wearing a delivery man uniform, brown shorts, a dark green polo with matching baseball cap that had an odd looking delivery service logo that she didn’t recognize and mirrored sunglasses. 

“I have a delivery for Harleen Quinzel?” he said. His voice had a strange, melodic tone that made her feel tiny quaking shivers along her skin. His inflections sounded familiar...those legs looked familiar, the arms, though they were the wrong color... 

Harleen furrowed her brow, staring at the man, a slightly confused yet inquisitive frown creased her brow. “I’m not expecting any deliveries,” she said quietly as she moved her body just a fraction, held her body to the side in readiness--a person couldn’t be too careful, especially in Gotham City. This couldn’t be Joker she told herself. This man had a normal skin tone (unless the white skin had been makeup, but she hadn’t thought so) and his hair looked brown, not green. Still, there was something about the shape of his face, his voice, his body... 

The delivery man seemed to stare back at her with his own frown on his lips as he slowly put the box he had been carrying down on Doris’s desk. 

While Harleen watched, he slowly raised a hand up in front of his face and stared at her. Her heart was beating rapidly, her breath quickened as she stared back at the man. What the hell was he doing? 

* 

Joker blinked at the gorgeous blonde doctor in the glasses, surprised at just how beautiful she was when she came out of the back office. She was wearing a black pencil skirt that hugged her hips in a clearly sinful way, and the blouse she wore was a shade of blue that made her eyes look electric. And her figure!! She was curvy in all the right ways, just like Batgirl… 

Her blonde hair was pulled up in a bun, but there were tendrils of hair falling around her face, framing her lovely vistage perfectly. His heart started to beat hard and heavy in his chest, his breathing became ragged. The eyes looked like hers, like Batgirl's eyes, a bright light blue full of potential violence, and the way she held herself, like she was ready to kick his ass!! 

But he wasn’t sure. He didn’t want to get excited only to realize this wasn’t his Harley... 

Slowly he held his hand up, palm turned toward her as he covered the lower half of her face. Only seeing her eyes, which flashed with energy (the glasses threw the vision off a bit) and her hair... 

“It’s you…” he whispered breathlessly, a thread of shock in his tone. He’d found her!! He’d actually found her!! It took every ounce of self-control that Joker had not to throw himself at her or jump around the room and crow with joy. 

He’d found Harley!!! He was sure of it!! 

Gradually, a smile rolled across his face showing off his perfectly straight white teeth as he reached up and removed his sunglasses. “Hi Harley, told you I’d find you.” 

Harleen blinked in shock. She’d been doubtful, but the moment he showed his eyes, she knew it was the Joker. No one had eyes that shade of blue. 

Swallowing hard, fear, excitement, and intense attraction mixed to make her ever so slightly dizzy, as if she had just walked out of a funhouse where reality had been distorted only to realize that the distortion was her reality. “Joker?” 

He grinned a little wider. “What time is it?” he asked, which for a moment threw Harleen off. She blinked, as if for a second she didn’t understand the question before her eyes moved to the clock that hung on the wall. “It’s 5:57 p.m.,” she said in a whisper. 

Joker chuckled, his eyes dancing. “Before six o’clock…” 

“I...I can’t…” Harleen started to say even as she knew without a doubt she would show up tonight. 

Joker giggled holding a finger up. “You promised. So, what time shall I pick you up?” He was having a difficult time controlling himself, he felt so giddy and a little jittery, but he was proud of himself before he was doing it, controlling himself. 

“I...ah...” Harleen stuttered as the realization that this man now knew her secret identity, knew who she was, that she was both Batgirl and Dr. Harleen Quinzel made her suddenly feel sick to her stomach. Bruce had pounded it into her constantly about the importance of keeping their two lives separate, the importance of remaining a mystery, the importance of secrecy and here, in less than two days, because she was a complete idiot and had given this man, this criminal, her name in a moment that she could only assume was triggered by her libido, her cover had been blown!! 

Harleen wasn’t sure how to solve this, what she should do... 

As if sensing the conflict Joker grinned. “Don’t you worry ‘bout a thing sweets, I’ll never tell a soul...cross my heart and hope to die, stick a needle in my eye.” He put his hand over his chest. 

“You will always be my secret,” he said softly, his voice a seductive whisper. “So--drinks and dancing tonight? I’ll wear something sexy…” He waggled his eyebrows at her, which looked so strange in brown. 

“Fine,” Harleen muttered. “But I’ll meet you there…” 

Joker giggled and wiggled with excitement. “Yes!! I promise you will not be disappointed!!” 

This time he let himself jump around in a circle. “This is going to be the start of something fantastic!! I promise!!” He gasped with pleasure before he turned and grabbed the door. “Nine o’clock, I’ll be waiting outside the club for you.” He grinned and blew her a kiss. “See you tonight Harley!” 

Harleen watched as Joker skipped out of her door. 

The odd thing was, even as she was upset, she realized she wasn't as upset as she should be. 

* 

Harleen stepped out of the taxi, just a half block down from the club, which looked to be very busy. There was a line of people around the building waiting to get in. Her heart was beating fast and her hands felt sweaty. She had debated on and off with herself about doing this, half the time turning around and saying she wasn’t going, the other half desperately wanting to go. Then there had been the issue of what to wear. Should she be sexy, dull, professional? 

After much deliberation and vacillating, she ended up wearing a dress she had purchased on a whim last summer, but had never worn because after she made the impulse buy, not only had she not felt she had any place to wear the dress, but she’d worried the dress was too sexy and she couldn’t pull off sexy. 

But tonight, for some reason, the dress felt like the right choice. Though she felt completely exposed in it, as if she had no secrets at all. 

The dress was a dusty shade of light blue that made her blue eyes look even bluer. The dress was an asymmetrical, one shoulder, very structured, sleek, contouring bandage dress that hugged her figure like a second skin. The material hung low in the back and stopped just above her knees. She had opted for no stockings and had on a pair high heel black sandals that had straps around her ankle (she had bought the shoes at the same as the dress after Bruce mentioned that straps on the ankles were sexy. She figured other men probably fount that factor sexy too. Of course, as with anything she bought in the “sexy” arena, Harleen never wore them until now.) She had left her hair down, soft curls around her shoulders, but she had her doctor glasses on. She wasn’t sure why, but wearing the glasses made her feel as if she had a level of protection against being seen...Maybe it was her own self-consciousness, but wearing the glasses felt as if they protected her from the rest of the world. 

Pressing her lips together, confident in her abilities to beat the shit out of any bozo who tried to harass her, Harleen walked with purpose to the front of the club, looking for Joker. She may not feel confident in her dress, but that didn’t mean she was going to take any crap from anyone! 

Ignoring the few jeers and disgusting pickup lines that were yelled at her from people standing in line, Harleen arrived at the front of the club to see Joker speaking to one of the bouncers. 

The moment she saw him, all the breath in her body came out in a long sigh. Her attraction to the man intensified more at the sight of him. 

His green hair was slicked back from his face except for one long lock of green that fell forward in a light curling wave against his forehead, which prompted him to reach up impulsively and push it back into place only to have it fall again. He wore a bright shade of red lipstick and his eyes looked like they might be framed in eyeliner making the blue pop in a way that made her stomach fill with butterflies. 

He wore a dark purple shirt that only looked purple when the lights caught it just right, no tie so that his smooth porcelain throat was exposed, a gold and black frillage jacket, black slacks, and a pair of sharp pointed black and white oxfords. 

He was talking with the bouncer, his gestures animated, completely ignoring a couple of women trying to get his attention, when his gaze shifted from the bouncer and met hers. 

The sparkle of his eyes combined with his smile to make every part of her tingle as he yelled out, rushing over to her, his arms out. “HARLEY!!!”


	5. The Date

Joker grabbed both of Harley’s hands before she could do more than suck in a breath to protest. He hauled her after him, smiling and speaking at a rapid pace. “Come on, you just have to meet Butch!” 

Harley didn’t know what to do except let herself be dragged over to the bouncer, a large man with dark olive-tan skin, bald, and displaying the sort of expression Harley had seen on anyone who had to deal with the worst of the public. He glanced over while pulling back the rope to let in a couple of giggling young women before returning his attention to Joker. 

As Joker came dancing up with her, he called out. “Butch!! Butch she came!! Told you she was real!” 

Some of the people in line to get into the night club yelled out complaints and obscenities as Joker pulled Harley with him to the front of the line, but Joker and the bouncer ignored them. 

“My name is not Butch Joker, it’s Bane, it’s always been Bane, it’ll always be Bane...” the large man said in exasperation, though with no real heat in his tone. Clearly, Harley realized, this had been an issue for a while. 

Joker grinned and pulled Harley up next to him. “Isn’t she as beautiful as I said she was?” 

Bane smiled at Harley. “Hello miss. And yes Joker, she is very beautiful.” 

Harley blushed as Bane smiled at her. “So you really going out with this loon here?” He gestured at Joker with a thumb, but she could tell from the glint in his eyes and the smile that tugged at his lips, Bane liked Joker. 

“Yes, I guess I am,” Harley said with a shy smile. 

Bane chuckled, shaking his head as he let in another couple of people. “I have to say I didn’t believe him when he said he had a date with the most beautiful woman in Gotham, but he wasn’t lying.” Harley blushed at the complement as Bane continued. “Just as long as you know what you’re getting yourself into…” 

Harley glanced at Joker who winked at her. “I think I do.” I hope I do, she added mentally. 

Bane chuckled and motioned them inside. “Have a good time. And Joker--no violence.” He pointed a finger at the green haired man and said in a low voice, his dark eyes stern. “I mean it, I can’t keep covering for you.” 

Joker released Harley’s hand to put his own up in a salute. “Yes sir, I promise not to kill anyone, but if anyone is stupid I cannot promise not to maim.” 

Bane glared at him then sighed and shook his head. “Fine, but focus on your date man. A woman like her deserves all your attention.” He stepped aside to let them in. “Go on, have a good time. Nice to meet you Harley.” 

Harley thought about correcting him, telling Bane that her name was Harleen, but decided against it as Joker put his hand lightly on the small of her back and ushered her into the club. 

* 

Bullets & Bliss, unlike a lot of other nightclubs, did not have a neon aesthetic. Rather, the colors that dominated the club were black, gold, and burgundy, but like other nightclubs the entire middle of the large room with a vaulted ceiling was a dance floor where gold, white, and blue lights flashed on the lit dance floor and around the room. Several large mirrored balls hung from the ceiling, creating a twinkling of lights throughout the place along with bubbles that slowly fell from the shadows over the lights. Harley looked around, her mouth slightly open. She saw stairs leading up to another floor where she could see more people dancing, along with several tables and chairs along with some curtained off areas. The bar looked like it was one long, continuous bar that wrapped around the edges of the room, though as Harley looked more closely, she could see shadowed alcoves with tables, chairs, and a few semicircular booths. The large bar had at least twelve, maybe more, bartenders working, all working efficiently to serve drinks and food. Behind the bartenders there was a large mirrored wall that wrapped around the room, making the place look huge. 

She could see a stage at one end of the huge room where a DJ was working, along with a couple of cages that held male and female dancers wearing nothing but well placed glitter. 

The dance floor was packed with dancers as the music played, currently Jamiroquai’s “Love Foolosophy.” 

Joker beamed, turned to grab Harley’s hand, and yelled joyfull over the music. “Let’s dance!” 

He laughed as he pulled her onto the dance floor, holding her hand over his head as he skipped onto the dance floor, his joy evident in his tone, expression, and exuberance. The other dancers parted like water for him. Harley let herself be pulled along, as if she was a leaf on the water with no will of her own. Seconds later, she and Joker arrived at the middle of the dance floor. He let her hand go and spun around, his arms up in the air. 

When he spun to face her, his jacket whipped out behind as he spun, the gold in the jacket catching the light. Winking at her, Joker twisted his hips side to side, his steps graceful, like a professional dancer, his arms over his head while he moved. His eyes looked bright, the lights making them blue glow an electric blue as he moved, weaving his hips side to side in time to the music, his dark green hair falling across his brow as he grinned at her. He spun around again and weaved his hips once, adding a few dance steps. The man was really good, Harley thought as she licked her hips watching him; it was hard not to watch him. She could see other dancers watching him as he moved, smooth and slick, weaving like a snake to the music. 

Harley giggled as a thought came to her. She couldn’t imagine Bruce moving with such loose and graceful abandon. This man was more like a snake while Bruce was more like a heavy brick (even if he could jump fairly gracefully off a building and sail to the next one.) Joker was really good, there was no denying that the man could dance. As she watched, he added a few steps with a little bit of a jazz feel followed by a little disco. She moved in place, her nerves and the mental conflict making it difficult for her to loosen up. Adding to her tension, she hadn't been dancing in a long, long time. Hell, she hadn’t been on a date in years, not since her last sort of boyfriend Guy and boy, had that been a disaster! Joker was having no difficulty letting loose as he rolled his hips, then weaved side to side, moving with a fluidity and grace that impressed Harley. 

“Come on Harls! You can do better than that!” Joker laughed as he danced over to grab her hands. 

“I don't know. I feel...weird…” Harley said as she cringed. She wanted to say that her dress felt too tight, her limbs felt stiff, and she felt so awkward around these other people. 

Joker pulled her close, put her hands on his hips. Harley’s eyes widened while he grabbed her waist. “Don’t feel weird! You are a gorgeous woman, in a hot dress, dancing with a pretty handsome guy if I say so myself.” Joker moved slower, trying to get her to move with him. 

Harley chuckled. “Modest aren’t you?” 

“Hey, why be modest when it’s the truth?” He looked genuinely perplexed, which only made her smile a little. She was used to confident men--being in the medical profession and around Bruce who was always confident--but Joker was different. She found something cute about his self-confidence, but he also didn’t project it, didn’t use his self-confidence to intimidate anyone. He was simply confident. 

He moved his hips with a sensuous grace and Harley could feel that grace and agility as she gripped his hips. She also felt little tickles of heat in her belly. The man certainly knew how to move his hips and the way his slacks fit him, her gaze was dragged a little further down. 

Feeling that warmth expand outward from her belly, Harley’s eyes quickly shot back up to Joker’s smiling face. 

Joker was looking down at her hips, and his gaze also came back up, but slower. She could almost feel the caress of his eyes moving up her body before meeting her eyes. 

He smiled at her, holding her waist while he tried to get her to move with greater ease to the music. “Boy, Batman really does have you wound up tight doesn’t he?” 

Harley shrugged. God his hips were distracting she thought as her gaze slowly drifted back down only to snap back to his face. “Maybe a little…” she said softly. 

Joker frowned at her as he released his hold on her waist. “You know what you need sweets? A drink.” He grinned, took her hands, and brought them both up to kiss her knuckles while his blue eyes sparkled at her and shone brighter than the lights in the club. 

“What would you like?” he asked, dropping one hand and lacing his fingers with hers before leading her off the dance floor before she could answer him. 

* 

Across the club, Frost nursed a beer while he watched Joker and his date. He was worried, worried about Joker getting himself into trouble with this woman, worried that Batgirl, or Harleen--whoever she was--might be setting his best friend up. 

But as he watched Joker lead her off the dance floor, Frost frowned in thought. The woman was smiling and she looked...shy. That was not something he expected. 

Maybe this was a genuine date for her. Frost would just have to keep a discerning eye out for his friend. 

* 

“This place has some great drinks...” Joker grabbed Harley gently around the waist and lifted her up to her on a stool, surprising her again with his strength; he’d lifted her up and set her down without any sign of strain, as if she weighed nothing at all. 

“Ah, I’m not sure, I don’t really drink,” Harley said softly, which made Joker gasp. 

“Really…” He narrowed his eyes sat her. “I bet you don’t smoke, do you?” 

Harley shook her head and Joker frowned looking puzzled. “You don’t go out, you don’t dance, you don’t drink, you don’t smoke, I bet you don’t do drugs either.” 

Harley shrugged in answer as Joker blinked. “What do you do for fun Harls?” He frowned and rubbed a finger over his bottom lip before he started to grin. “That reminds me of a song…” 

Smiling Joker sang in a sexy voice while wagging his finger at her and weaving his hips: 

“Don't drink, don't smoke, what do you do? 

Don't drink, don't smoke, what do you do? 

Subtle innuendos follow 

There must be something inside…” 

As he sang, he moved his hips back and forth and wiggled a finger at her, smiling his charming smile the entire time. Harley couldn’t help herself as she felt a giggle bubble up. Her laughter made Joker beam with pleasure, his eyes lighting up more, if that were possible. 

“Well, let’s see what we can get you to help you relax and enjoy yourself.” He snapped his fingers and yelled out dramatically. “Barkeep!” 

Several people turned to look at him with strange expressions, but a young Southeast Asian woman with a short pixie cut hurried over, looking annoyed until she saw who had snapped their fingers at her and called her barkeep. 

“Oh it's you, Joker,” she said with a tolerant sigh. “What can I get you?” 

“Evening Alysia! I would like you to make a drink for my girlfriend here...” Joker gestured at Harley, who was ready to say she wasn’t his girlfriend, but for some reason the words stuck in her throat and she only smiled at the young woman who looked at her in perplexed shock while Joker continued to talk. “...something to help her relax and have a good time, and for me, one of your very special Shirley Temples, but with four extra cherries!” He held up four fingers before Joker grinned and he hopped onto his stool. 

Alysia chuckled with a look at Harley. “Girlfriend, huh? Well, I know exactly what a pretty girl like you needs.” She winked and hurried off as Joker yelled after her, “No flirting with my girlfriend Alysia!” 

Alysia waved a hand at him in dismissal as she ignored him. 

“You’re not drinking?” Harley asked in surprise, but Joker smiled at her, leaned his elbows on the bar, and placed his chin in his hands. “Oh I am, she adds vodka and the cherries are soaked in brandy.” He smiled at her. “That’s why they’re special.” 

Harley laughed. “Oh, I see.” 

“So, Harley, tell me about yourself, about the you that doesn’t jump off buildings,” Joker asked pleasantly. “And why do you wear glasses if you don’t need them? 

Harley’s eyes widened as she looked around quickly to see if anyone had heard him, but Joker reached out and laid his arm over hers. “I told you, no one cares here. This is like a neutral space for the bad, the good, and the ugly.” Joker pointed down the bar to a slender man with a hooked nose and messy black hair. “That is Alberto Falcone, son of one of Gotham’s biggest gangsters…” 

Harley whispered in surprise. “Carmine Falcone…” 

“That’s right sweets, and that over there is Detective Harvey Bullock of the Gotham police department.” Harley looked over to where Joker was pointing to see a large man with a bit of a belly, sitting at a darkened booth with a couple of young women, the three of them talking, laughing, and sharing drinks. Joker continued. “Even if someone were to guess who you are, no one is going to tell or do anything about it. And if they did, I’d kill them.” He grinned at her. “So, have a drink, relax, dance with me, and have a good time.” He tilted his head at her, studying her face before he reached over and plucked her glasses off her nose. 

“Hey!” Harley made a grab for them, but before she could do anything Joker had made her glasses simply disappear. She blinked in surprise, hadn’t seen where he’d put her glasses at all. They were there one minute and gone the next, like magic. 

“You don’t need them do you?” he asked softly a smile still tugging at the corners of his red painted lips. 

“No...I don’t,” She murmured. 

“Then why do you wear them?” Joker asked again in a soft tone that she could barely hear over the music, but before Harley could answer, Alysia came back with two drinks. One was a bright red drink with four cherries and a slice of lime in it, while the other was in a cocktail glass. The liquid inside looked pastel colored, moving from light blue at the bottom up to light pink at the top. 

“There you both go...one special Shirley Temple and one Sleeping Beauty cocktail.” 

“Oooh, Alysia! You’ve outdone yourself!” Joker grinned as he picked up his drink and immediately fished out one of the cherries to pop into his mouth. 

Harley picked up her drink to examine it. “It’s so pretty.” 

Alysia grinned. “It’s made with vodka, give it a try.” 

Harley took a sip and smiled. The drink was sweet, but carried a kick. “Oh, this is good.” 

Alysia smiled proudly. “Finish that one and I have another for you to try--it's called Adios Motherfucker!” 

Harley laughed as she sipped her drink. “Really? Not sure if that’s a good name or not...” 

“Trust me, it’s delicious, I’ll be right back with one. You want one too J?” she asked, smiling at him. 

“Only if you stop flirting with my girlfriend.” He pouted at her and Alysia laughed. 

“Oh fine. Besides, I can tell she’s into you--if she wasn’t I’d steal her right away, she’s hot.” Alysia winked at Harley before walking off again. 

Joker muttered, popping another cherry in his mouth. “She is such a whore,” he said it with a certain level of affection that made Harley laugh. 

“So Harley--the glasses?” Joker lifted a green brow at her in question before he took a sip of his drink. 

“I guess…” She frowned as she looked down at her drink. “I’ve always had trouble with people taking me seriously.” Harley sipped on her drink. “I mean, when I was growing up, everyone treated me like I was dumb. I wasn’t a genius or anything, but I did well in school and later when I was taking gymnastics it just got worse. So when I was in college, I started to wear the glasses so that people would look at me and see that I was a serious student, not a bubble headed blonde who only got into college because of her gymnastics scholarship.” Harley finished off her drink just as 

Alysia appeared with two bright, neon blue drinks. 

“Here ya both go!” Alysia grinned, setting the drinks down. “Now, you two have fun.” She smiled and hurried off as someone called for her attention. 

Joker switched drinks, taking a sip of the blue drink followed by him shuddering. “Wow, that’s strong.” 

Harley took a sip of her own and blinked, her eyes and throat burning. “Whoa…” 

Joker laughed, taking another sip. “So, did the glasses help?” 

She nodded sipping at the blue concoction while Joker frowned. “Why are you still wearing them though? You are a doctor, have your own practice, and you…” He dropped his voice to a whisper for her. “...get to run around in costume.” He smiled and reached out to brush a lock of her hair back from her face. “Who are you trying to get to take you seriously now? I mean, me? Color me impressed.” 

Harley blushed. His touch sent shivers along her skin as she shrugged. “I don’t know...I guess...” She looked over at him to see Joker had tilted his face and was studying her. “I suppose I’m still afraid no one will take me seriously.” 

“You shouldn’t worry about other people Harls…” Joker took a sip of his drink. “After all, who cares what others think? Look at me.” He gestured with one hand at himself. “I don’t give a hoot what anyone thinks about me. I know I’m smart, handsome, fun...I don’t look like everyone else and that’s fine by me.” He grinned at her, showing off his rows of perfectly straight white teeth. 

“Don’t worry about other people Harls, you don’t need them.” 

Harley frowned and continued to sip at her drink. She was starting to feel it, a warmth that spread out from her stomach to warm up her entire body. She was starting to feel more relaxed as well, was even beginning to enjoy herself a little. She enjoyed the music and Joker was pleasant to talk to. “Can I ask you a question?” 

Joker grinned. “Shoot beautiful!” 

“Why...I mean...the way you look?” She glanced up at his green hair. A few locks had fallen forward across his forehead, his ghost white skin reflected the lights of the club, and his blue eyes stood out stunningly from his face. 

“Oh this? You like it?” He grinned, then laughed loud enough that he drew some attention by others sitting nearby at the bar. “Honestly, I don’t know. I woke up one day and here I was…” He smiled, trading drinks again to finish off the cherries from his Shirley Temple. “Maybe I just sprang from the bowels of Gotham, or someone did this to me.” He frowned, his eyes suddenly looked distant and filled with pain. She reached out and lightly laid her hand over his hand; Joker rotated his hand and took hers, lacing his fingers with hers. “Sometimes I think I remember things, but…” He shrugged and reached up with his other hand to run his fingers through his hair, smiled even as the locks fell back into place, framing his face. “I was found one night wandering the streets, nearly naked and manic, looking the way I do. Ended up at Arkham Asylum for a while before they released me after no one claimed me and there was some patient overcrowding, after all.” Joker dipped his finger into his drink, pushing on the ice before he shook his head, dismissing whatever dark memories he had dredged up. Harley knew about the overcrowding at Arkham. That place was positively medieval still. She had thought about getting a job there...once... 

“But that’s the past. Now I have a place of my own, I have a best friend, a goal to be Gotham’s number one criminal.” (Harley cringed a little when he said this.) “And now...there’s you.” Joker gazed at her with such longing that Harley’s heart skipped a beat. She could see that the man was lonely, that there was a desperation in his gaze. There was pain, loss, and something else there, but just as quickly, it was gone. 

“So, feel like dancing now?’ he asked, his cheerful disposition returned. 

“I ah...yeah, I think I do,” Harley said with a smile as she looked at her drink and realized she had finished both of them, which probably explained the warm feeling in her gut along with the fact she felt relaxed. “Yes, let’s dance,” she said with a nod. 

Joker grinned brightly, hopping down from his stool and grabbed her hand. A moment later, he was pulling her out onto the dance floor as a dance mix version of Donna Summer’s “I Feel Love” started to play. Joker laughed as he let go of Harley’s hand and spun around, dancing backwards he rolled his fists around each other while moving his hips. 

Harley laughed as she followed him, bopping her hips to the music until she threw her arms into the air and spun. She smiled, closing her eyes to let the music wash over her. The alcohol and Joker’s pleasant company made her relax until she forgot all about the fact that she shouldn’t be here. Joker laughed, coming up to her and spun her around, his hands on her hips until she faced him. Laughing, Harley draped her arms over his shoulders while Joker grasped her hips. They moved together, Joker pulling her against him, the foreheads pressed together while they moved to the music. 

She could feel the beat vibrating through her entire body, the beat of the music, the thump of the hundred of hearts around her, the heat of Joker’s body, his breath, the beat of his heart syncing up with hers. Smiling, she rolled her hips against his, biting her bottom lip as Joker pulled her closer, the two of them moving in a sensual wave, perfectly aligned together. 

Without warning, Joker let her go, spinning around and started to do the electric slide. Harley laughed and joined him, the two of them moving side by side to the music, taking a couple of steps to the left, then the right, moving their shoulders in time to the music. Harley giggled letting herself go to just dance with Joker. After a few seconds, they had a handful of other dancers sliding with them to the music. 

When the music changed, Lana Del Rey’s “Burning Desire” filled the dance floor, her slow and sensual voice floating over the dance floor. Everyone seemed to pair up, wrapping themselves around each other as the music drifted over the crowd. Harley bit the side of her lip. She was breathing hard, gazing at Joker. His gaze had turned predatory, but in a way that made Harley shiver with anticipation. He looked so handsome, so sexy, made her feel hot and alive. 

Joker pulled Harley to him, wrapped his arms around her waist. Harley giggled, her arms going around his shoulders, their bodies plastered against each other, becoming one person. She moved her body against his, feeling the press of his groin against hers, the pressure exciting her as his hands slid up her back, then slowly back down her spine. His fingers played along the zipper of her dress, then down to her rear. He didn’t grab her, but instead his hands, fingers spread, caressed the roundness of her slowly, sending shivers back up her spine. 

As the two of them danced together, they weaved and flowed in heated harmony. Joker moved her side to side, back and forth like a gently rolling wave while his hands slid down her sides, tracing her figure. Harley could swear she could feel his touch against her bare skin while they moved in slow, heady waves, while the strokes from his hands felt erotic, causing ripples of heat throughout her body. Blood rushed to her nipples, making the fabric of her dress feel pleasantly tight against her skin. She felt heat and a tingling pool between her legs until she could feel the beat of her heart and the sensual pulse of the music in her groin. Joker smiled at her slowly and the tip of his tongue traced his upper lip. Harley became lost in him, his steamy, vibrant gaze, his smile that was making her quiver as he gently pulled her a little closer. He rubbed his nose feather light against hers while his hands pressed against her, keeping her body flush with his, all while his fingers brushed against the bare skin of her back just above her dress. Joker’s touch sent shocks of pure lust pulsing through Harley. His eyes were bright, sexy, lust-filled. Harley found herself completely lost in his gaze while her own lustful needs filled every one of her senses, making her ignore any bit of common sense her brain was trying to communicate to her--dulled perhaps in part by the alcohol, but much more likely because of her intense attraction to this unusual man. He was like dancing with pure sex. Everything about Joker was forbidden to her, but she wanted him, wanted to plunge her hands into the boiling water, to burn herself on this man, no matter how bad he would be for her if she did. 

Joker’s lips hovered over hers and she could feel the warmth of his breath against her skin, though he didn’t kiss her--he teased her instead. He sang in a whisper, his voice a soft seduction. “I got burning desire for you baby…” 

Harley shivered, her gaze lingering on his lips then lifted to his intense blue eyes. The soft, tender feel of his lips just barely brushing over hers made Harley’s insides turn into an explosion of butterflies. As he sang to her, his warm breath caressed her lips with the words of the song, word she could feel all throughout her body. 

“I drive fast, radio blares, have to touch myself to pretend you're there 

Your hands were on my hips, your name is on my lips….” 

His voice was the sexiest thing Harley had ever heard, it was like he was stroking her with just the sound of his voice. Gradually his hands traveled along her body while Harley slowly ran her fingers into his hair, wanting to grab hold of his silky soft hair, force his head back while she attacked his throat with kisses. Instead, she watched hungrily as a drop of perspiration rolled down his throat, sliding down along the hollow of his pale throat to disappear down inside his shirt. She had never wanted to lick something so badly in her life. 

When he brushed his lips against the very corner of her mouth, whispering. “I got a burning desire for you baby…” 

Harley shuddered and pulled back a little, felt as if her senses were in overload. 

“I think I need another drink,” she whispered, barely trusting herself to speak. 

Joker smiled, his hands running down her arms, which only made her want to turn into a puddle. “Sure thing.” He turned, took one of her hands in a gentle grip, and led her off the dance floor. 

As they were walking back to the bar, Joker blinked in surprise as his sharp eyed gaze caught Frost sitting in a corner watching them. 

Frowning, Joker set Harley on her stool when they got to the bar. “I’ll be right back...Barkeep!!” Joker called out only to have Alysia come over frowning at him. 

“Joker--you know I have a name, right?” 

He ignored her. “Would you get my lady here anything she wants?” He turned to Harley. “I’ll be right back.” He took her hand and kissed her knuckles. That made everything worse for Harley; the feel of his kiss traveled up her arm and spread over her breasts like he’d done more than just kiss her knuckles! 

Harley nodded and smiled, unable to speak as Joker hurried off. 

* 

“Frost!” Joker rushed over, his arms wide with a big smile on his face. “What are you doing here?!” He threw his arms around Frost, nearly knocking the man’s beer out of his hand. Frost caught Joker and hugged him back. 

“Hey man, sorry…” 

“I thought you were going to a card game or something?” Joker plopped himself down on Frost’s lap, one arm around Frost’s shoulders making the man grunt in surprise. 

“I, heh--truth is J--I wanted to keep an eye on you and that woman.” Frost glanced over at Harley who was sipping from a bright purple drink and taking to Alysia. “But...” He smiled at his friend. “...you both seem to be having a good time.” 

Joker chuckled, swinging his legs. “She’s the bee's knees Frosty! I’m even more in love with her!” he leaned back dangerously, forcing Frost to hold on to him or let Joker topple to the floor. “I want her so bad!! I’ve never wanted anyone or anything like I want her…” Joker smiled and sighed dramatically. “She’s the girl for me, the one I want to be with forever!!” 

“Glad you are having a good time,” Frost said and found he meant it. He just hoped this woman, this Harleen Quinzel, or Batgirl or whoever, didn’t break his friend's heart. Forever was a long damn time... 

* 

Harley knew she was drunk. Well maybe not drunk-drunk, but she was certainly buzzing strongly. While Joker was off doing whatever it was he was doing, Harley’s phone had gone off. She pulled her dress up to where she had her phone, in a leg holster on her thigh and pulled her phone out. It was Bruce. 

“Damn it,” she hissed, staring at the text. He was just asking if she was doing all right, did she have anything to report. At least that was the code he was using, a set of phrases that asked questions without asking questions directly. Holding the phone tightly, Harley quickly texted back her own coded message that indicated everything was fine, boring actually, and that she would talk to him later. She quickly shoved the phone back into the holster after turning it off when she noticed the man who had taken the stool next to her. 

He was a big guy, not so much tall as he was broad--and he was a wall of muscles. His chest was pumped out enough with the veins looking weird and bloated against his stretched skin, making Harley think of an overpacked sausage. His chest was big enough that he was putting Harley to shame with his cleavage and his arms were huge, as big around as logs. He had what could only be described as a pornstache, a thick mustache, and his hair was a bit shaggy, curly, reminding her of a 1970’s white guy afro. He grinned at her, his eyes looking down at her legs where she hadn’t quite pulled her dress down all the way after putting her phone back. 

“Hey baby, nice dress.” The man’s smile was more of a leer than a smile. He even licked his lips, making a show of it. “How about you and me get out of here, I got a car parked down the sidewalk, got enough room in it for some fun.” 

Harley curled her lip and looked away as she picked up her drink. “No thanks, I have a date.” 

“Oh come on sweetheart…” He reached out and ran his hand over her knee. “A girl like you can handle more than one guy, can’t ya?” 

Harley smacked his hand away. “Don’t touch me,” she warned him. 

He grabbed her upper arm and yanked her around. “Look bitch, you think you’re too good for a guy like me? Sluts like you are all the same, it's all about the price, ain’t it?” 

Harley yanked her arm away. She tipped a little on the stool; the alcohol she’d been drinking made her just a little wobbly. 

“Let go jackass!” Harley yanked herself away from the man, but the jerk grabbed her hard enough by her upper arm that she was going to have red marks, maybe bruises. “Bitch…” He yanked her off her stool just as Alysia hurried over and yelled. “HEY!” 

Harley balled her hand into a fist, ready to take care of this problem herself when she, Alysia, Mr. Pornstache, and all the nearby club patrons heard a soft voice cutting through the music. 

“Harley, sweets--is there a problem?” 

Harley, Alysia, and the man bothering her, looked over to see Joker standing there looking calm, a smile on his face, his hands held behind his back. “I think my girl would like you to unhand her,” Joker said calmly, but there was an edge to his voice that made Harley shiver, a coldness that was mixed with his smile. 

“Your girl?” The brute looked over at Harley, his expression a cross between laughter and disgust “You’re here with this faggot?” He gestured at Joker who smiled a little wider, showing off his perfect teeth. His blue eyes danced with something that made Harley’s stomach flutter. The expression on his face looked cold and there was something else too...Excitement? She couldn’t be sure, but Joker’s expression looked both frightening and sexy. 

The man stood up. He wasn’t taller than Joker, but he was definitely wider and his muscles had been developed so much that the man looked like a wall of flesh. Joker didn’t move, didn’t seem the least bit intimidated by the other man. “Look, you little twink, go find yourself some pretty boy and leave the women to men like me…” 

Joker chuckled. “Men like you? I mean, clearly your family tree is a wreath...” Harley pressed her lips together on a laugh though Alysia burst out into giggles while Joker made a show of looking the man up and down. “I mean it's clear: all muscle, no dick, and the personality of a rock? My friend, you should walk around with a potted plant to replace the oxygen you use up.” 

Harley snorted on a laugh, Alysia burst out into a loud guffaw while a few other women who were sitting at the bar started to giggle, along with a few men. More people were starting to pay attention to what was going on. Bane had moved into the club and stopped, watching from not too far away while Frost stiffened, ready to come to Joker’s rescue if he needed to--though Joker seldom needed rescuing. 

It was clear to Harley the asshole didn’t get any of Joker’s insults. The look on his face was of someone clearly confused, as well as embarrassed as others laughed at him. His ears turned red and he opened his mouth to respond, but could come up with nothing. Instead of answering Joker back, the man lashed out with one fist. The crowd watching gasped, Harley jumped off her stool ready to help at the first sign of the man’s attack, but Joker simply danced out of the way. The musclebound man, whose fist overreached, stumbled a few steps. He spun around, his eyes wide in surprise to see Joker grinning at him, now standing behind him. 

“Wanna try again, or are you tired?” Joker asked with a wide grin, tilting his head to the side, his eyes sparkling with mischief. 

The brute roared and lunged at Joker. 

Joker grinned, a viciousness in his smile and gaze that made Harley shiver with lust. She pressed her teeth into her bottom lip, surprised at the intensity of her feelings as she watched Joker’s fist shoot out to strike the man in the face hard enough that his feet went out from under him and he fell backwards. His head smacked hard onto the floor, his nose broken, blood gushing from his nostrils. The man groaned in pain and started to push himself up, but Joker casually stepped over to stomp down hard on the man’s ankle, breaking it with a loud snap of bone, causing the foot to twist at an odd angle. The group of people watching all let out a collective gasp with a few winces. 

The man let out a yowl of pain and grabbed his leg. 

Another man, similar in build to the guy on the floor, started to move toward Joker. Harley wasn’t sure if this other man was the friend of the asshole on the floor, but he grabbed a beer bottle off the bar and rushed Joker with an incoherent yell. 

Joker spun around just as the other man threw his arm forward, ready to smash the beer bottle across Joker’s face, but Joker’s hand snapped out and grabbed the man by the wrist, surprising him and stopping his swing cold. The other man stared at Joker as he yanked the beer bottle out of the other man’s hand and used it to smash across the guy’s head, dropping him next to his friend. 

Joker dropped the broken bottle and carefully brushed a few broken glass shards off his hands. 

“Well…” He grinned happily and called out loudly. “Hey, can we get another slow song?” 

He stepped over both wounded men, walking over to Harley with a smile and took her hands. “Sorry about that Harley, I mean, I know you can take care of yourself.” He smirked. “Quite well, I am well aware, but I just couldn’t put up with someone like that touching you or hurting you.” 

Harley blushed. She hadn’t had anyone defend her in a long time. Maybe it was a bit primitive minded, but it made her feel good to have a guy protect her instead of having to do it herself. 

“Thank you,” she said softly blushing. 

Joker brushed his finger along her jaw. “I’ll do anything for you Harley,” he murmured softly. 

Joker grinned, his eyes dancing as he brought her hands up and kissed her knuckles softly before he glanced at Alysia. “Sorry about that.” 

Alysia shook her head. “It’s fine, stupid jerks like that shouldn’t be in here anyway.” She looked around and waved at Bane. “Bane! Clean up!!” 

Bane shook his head smiling at Joker. “Yeah, I’m on it…” 

The DJ had either heard Joker or someone had put in his request as Valerie Broussard’s Killer began to play. Joker grinned, dropping one of Harley’s hands to lead her back out to the dance floor without asking her if she wanted to dance, though Harley knew there was no way she would have said no to him after that. 

Joker glanced over at Frost as he took Harley to the dance floor. His best friend only smiled and shook his head, holding his beer up in a toast. 

Joker spun Harley around when they stepped back onto the dance floor so that her back was against his chest. He put one hand around her waist, his hand spread against her stomach. Harley’s heart was beating quickly as she laid her hand over his. She shivered feeling the heat of his body behind her; the tickle of his breath as he brushed her hair aside with his other hand to kiss her ear. 

There was something exciting about being with a man so much taller than her. She could feel the strength in his body, the whip tight feel of him, like a leopard, ready to spring into action. 

He gently brushed her hair back from the side of her neck, sending goosebumps over her flesh where his fingers brushed against her, his body weaving back and forth to the music, taking Harley with him. She sucked in a breath as his lips lightly brushed against her throat, sending delightful quakes through her body. They moved together, weaving back and forth to the music, until he grabbed her hand that she had placed over his hand on her stomach, spun her out. 

Holding her at arms length away from him, Joker smiled, moving to the music. Harley giggled, smiling, moving with him, though her eyes snaked down his body. She didn’t know if it was her own lust, the drink, the heady excitement of watching him put those two men down, but she was feeling warm, loose, and oh, so very turned on. It should be a sin for a man to move his hips that well she thought with a blushing grin. 

Pulling her back, holding her hands in a classic tango pose that Harley only knew because of a few movies she had seen, Joker winked at her. He grinned, running the tips of his fingers along her spine where her back was exposed. He winked at her again, then walked her across the dance floor, a few people making space, before turning her around, the two of them spinning for a moment before Harley found Joker in her arms, his back against her chest. He looked over his shoulder at her, their arms tangled in front of him and winked at her before he gracefully untangled himself from her, dancing away from her. She watched, licking her lips as he moved, twisted around and weaved his hips while he held one hand in the air over his head, the other held on his stomach. 

Giving her a wicked grin, he danced his way back to her, reached for her, and pulled her against his when Harley gave him her hands. His arms went around her as he brushed his nose against hers, his lips hovering over hers, teasing, both hands on the bare skin of her back. He guided her along with the music before he dipped her back, holding her with just one hand in the middle of her back. With his other he caressed her chin, then down her throat, the very tip of his middle finger tracing a line along her skin. Where he touched her, her skin burned pleasantly, his fingers sliding down over her dress, between her breasts, then slowly back up again as he brought her up from her dip. His eyes burned into her, his desire for Harley clear in that bright, unique gaze. 

Smirking, he spun her out again, then back, her back against his chest once more. This time his lips skimmed over her shoulder and along her throat as he pulled her hair aside to make her feel exposed and stimulated. 

Shivering, Harley felt the hint of his tongue brushing her skin making her moan softly, her stomach in knots of lust, need, and excitement. Her mind was yelling at her to stop, this wasn’t right, this wasn’t what she was supposed to be doing, but she closed her eyes, biting her bottom lip as Joker’s kisses moved along the slope of her throat, along her back, then to her other shoulder before he spun her around to face him. 

They stared at each other for a long moment as the song ended. Joker smiled at her, slowly taking her hand and pulling her close again. Harley went willingly as he draped her arms over his shoulders before his hands slipped around her waist. He rubbed his nose against hers, looking down at her lips, then back to her eyes. Harley was breathing hard, panting, she could feel every delightful inch of him pressed against her. 

“I’m going to kiss you,” he whispered, his lips brushing across hers. “I’m going to kiss you deep, and hard.” His voice became a sensual growl that teased her ears. 

Harley shivered, her brain telling her to stop, but she whispered in answer, “Good.” 

Joker pressed his mouth to hers. His tongue stroked against her lips and Harley felt a shivering quake that raced to her groin, pulsing with heat. She opened her mouth to him, her tongue gingerly brushing against his tongue, prompting Joker to pull her closer. His kiss became more passionate, more demanding, his hands sliding down to her rear. One hand stroked and squeezed gently, his hand trailed up to the middle of her back, his fingers spread as his mouth moved over hers gentle and tender. Harley slid her fingers into his hair, nipping at his lips, lightly biting his tongue, one leg rising to stroke against his as she lost herself completely in his kiss. 

* 

She didn’t remember when or how they left the dance floor, her mind too lust rattled to care, or maybe it was the alcohol, though Harley knew that wasn’t it either. She was trying to deny her own urges, but she couldn’t and they ended up in a darkened booth together. As Joker sat down Harley shoved him, surprising him as she moved to straddle his lap, her knees pressing into the booth’s leather seat covering. Joker smiled, gazing up at her and whispered. 

“I want you to be mine Harley, I want you to be my girl,” he whispered heatedly and reached up to run his fingers along the side of her face and into her hair, the gesture tender yet passionate. 

“Shut up,” Harley hissed back even as she wanted to simply throw herself at him, give herself over to him. She wanted him, wanted his body, and maybe she did want more. 

Refusing to think about it, Harley grabbed his hair and pulled his head back, attacked his throat with her tongue. Joker groaned loudly as she licked and nipped her way down the smooth, pale skin of his neck, her hands sliding over his shoulders to his shirt where she pulled on some of the buttons, opening his shirt up more, popping one or two buttons in her need to touch him. Everything about him was driving her crazy, his touch, the taste of his skin, even the smell of him. 

She slid her hands over his chest, feeling the soft skin and slender muscles of his chest. She spread her fingers wide, brushed the tips of her pinkies against his nipples to make Joker groan a little louder while she pressed down on him, shuddering at his bulge that pressed between her legs. 

Joker reached behind her and unzipped her dress, his hand sliding under the fabric, gliding over her skin while Harley worked her way back to his mouth. 

They kissed long and deep, their tongues twisting and licking before Joker pulled away, catching her bottom lip with his lips, tugging softly and released her lip. He ducked his head and licked the front of her throat, then along her collar, licking, biting, kissing her throat, her shoulders, tasting her skin, causing Harley to moan softly. As his lips moved over her soft skin, he pulled down the strap of her dress, tugging the dress down to her nipples, but not past them, leaving her modesty intact. He didn’t pull the dress down further, but he licked and nibbled the tops of her breasts, one hand sliding up to cup one breast and squeezed gently, driving her crazy. Groaning, Harley ground against his erection that she could feel, a hard length in his slacks, the sensation making ripples of pleasure roll through her, especially when he responded with his low, aching moan. 

God what was she doing??!! She didn’t even know him. All she knew was that he had amnesia--maybe--and he wanted to be a crime lord, but...but god help her, she wanted to know more about him! Harley wanted to learn everything there was to know about the Joker. She couldn’t stop herself, his touch, his kisses, everything about this man was driving her insane with lust, need, and a desperate want for something more from him. Shivering with pleasure as his lips and nose brushed against her breasts, Harley caressed her fingers through his thick, soft hair. Joker pulled her closer, wrapped his arms around her, brushed his nose against her skin and inhaled deeply. He gently kissed her, licking tenderly. Harley shifted her hips, made him grunt and then hiss with pleasure. She was ready to throw the last bit of caution out the door and do something monumentally stupid when she was saved from herself by the sudden sound of a gunshot. 

It cracked through the music like an explosion. 

There was a moment of stunned silence that was quickly followed by someone yelling a command over a speaker. 

“Everyone out before the cops show up!!” 

The entire club moved like a herd, everyone knowing where to go, what to do, and how to get out. 

Harley blinked in shock, but Joker was on his feet, putting her on her feet next to him. He swiftly pulled her dress up, turned her around, and zipped her dress up for her. He took her hand and grinned. “Follow me sweets, I’ll get you out without anyone catching us!” 

Harley let Joker pull her along as he pushed himself through the crowd. 

Oh, what was she doing?!


End file.
